07 June 2013

allah and i

it was one of those whatsapp forwards, a little corny, a little reminiscent of kipling's 'if'. the last line though, got me: "because in the end, it's between you and god; it was never between you and them anyway".

so so true. do good, speak good, be good, because that is what allah wants of you. and in the end, allah is who you must explain your actions to. i have firmly believed this, i was firmly brought up with this philosophy, with the 'turn the other cheek' philosophy. it is easy to do when you are surrounded by people of a similar nature, when you live in a place where giving people the benefit of the doubt is the norm, not the exception. being surrounded by cynics, a 'survival of the fittest' mentality and coarse language, i notice that i am becoming more abrasive, more cynical, less kind and trusting. i don't like it. i cannot change my surroundings, i cannot changer others' perceptions, but i can definitely change my own reactions. and suddenly, it is so easy; i just envision allah's presence at any situation, and choosing the better, righter option is nearly automatic. my choice may not sit well with others, but again, i just have to remind myself that it is allah's opinion that matters.

the one downside to this attitude though, is that it can make your relationships and interactions a little clinical, a little impersonal... 

twins may

may was a long, difficult month. the beginning of this month saw both of you cranky, stubborn and ill, perhaps due to teething. your tears and tantrums are not as easily soothed or distracted now, and you are much more certain of who should be taking care of you when.

it was also a month of many firsts: first teeth, attending your first birthday party of twins, crawling (a crawls on his hands and knees like a pro, while m moves around on his tummy), and pulling yourself upright (it is quite uncomfortable when you decide to pull on my clothes for this purpose). the play gym you've had forever continues to fascinate you, and you now use that to stand as well, which is quite scary as it doesn't weigh as much as you! similarly, when you try to stand by grabbing on to the bed corners, i get visions of blood and bruises. pulling anything and everything in your reach, the two of you create chaos all the time. you have this new habit of throwing things, which i am not so enamored with.

your screaming has reduced, which is great, while your vocab now includes ‘te te te'.

we took a short road trip to nasik, which wasn't as bad as i feared (largely because you slept most of the way there!). you had your first proper view of yourselves in the huge mirrored walls there, which made you ecstatic. a had a long, enamoured conversation with his reflection, while m was happy to play ‘takkar’ with his reflection. that was one moment and one video i will never forget :)

i have started giving you cheese, graduates puffs, bits of bread, biscuits and sometimes you will eat rice if i feed you while we are sitting at the thaal. you've had egg yolk twice, once successfully and the other not. meal times are very stressful as you insist on sitting with us, and then proceed to try and grab everything. inevitably someone ends up refereeing you, and eating later. although you can drink water from your sippy cup (silicone spout) as well as a regular drinking glass, you are struggling with drinking milk from the new, advanced sippy cup. sigh.

we took you to a park and you had your first swing ride. a was happy while m was not. i wonder how many more things will differ between you both, and how many will be the same. i can see your temperaments and personalities emerging now, which is fascinating. it also makes me constantly wonder how lasting it is, how much you will change to become the persons you are meant to be. you now understand certain words, actions, pictures. you love your musical toys, and you also (sadly) enjoy listening to terrible bollywood music, sigh.

your expressions, your smiles and laughter, your babbling conversations, continue to have me enthralled. you leave me and your abu little quality time together, but the moments when we sit and play with you and crack up at your antics, are awesome.