ramadan kareem

Ramadan is one of my favourite months, and this year, i am setting a few goals for myself. Just three simple things that I need to work on generally; what better time to start than Ramadan, the month of blessings and mercy.

- I need to be more patient. With my kids, family, myself.  This whatsapp forward made me smile:

‘patience is not about how long you can wait, but how well you behave while waiting’. i can wait awhile, but am usually quite sullen about it! Also, some time ago, the church nearby had its quote as ‘patience is the best prayer’.

-I can be nicer. There are many times when I react too fast, when the moment would be served better by just smiling and remaining silent, by being nice. So, whenever I want to shout, I will try to smile instead :P

-Reading more Quran. I used to be so regular with this, and it is time to get back on track.

Three small things. Inshallah!

#microblog mondays

thanksgiving

after climbing into his school bus, m will turn around without fail, wave at me and say 'bye mumma', with the sweetest grin, before ambling off to his seat. his enthusiasm is infectious, and i always wave off the bus with a responding smile.. that moment always elicits an 'alhumdolillah for these two beautiful blessings in my life'.. the smile carries me home, until i am back to the grind.

this past weekend i realized that i would not be able to carry the twins for much longer. tall, their legs already reach my knees when they are in my arms. carrying them since birth, i cannot fathom what this means right now.. sure, all kids outgrow being carried, but i did not expect this moment to come so soon. i still have some time, and i will be more conscious about it.. if i could just pause time a little..

**

H and i have started taking sabaq (religious classes).. not only am i happy for myself, but i am excited to share this religious journey with my spouse. i see it as a way to grow, individually and as a couple. Getting closer to allah is surely the purpose of this life, and doing that together with my partner is bliss.

#microblog mondays

 

namaste; let's be human!

I am reading the sandalwood tree by elle newmark, which is a novel with two sets of stories, 100 years apart. An American woman in India during partition learns the story of two women living in the same town during the 1850s. as I read about the partition and its violence, I am struck by how little things have changed in today’s India. the following lines, “when you create borders based on ideology you create a reason to fight. When you live side by side, you create a reason to get along”, said by one of the characters about partition, really struck me.

Why is it that with so much history of violence and discontent before us, we humans have yet to learn how to live together in peace??

This wonderful poster is making the rounds on facebook, but world governments and extremists remain clueless. ‘other’ needs to be deconstructed. I am you, and you are me. And we are all god’s creation.

 ScienceAlert

The Indian greeting ‘namaste’ means ‘the god/divine in me bows to the god/divine in you’. If only we could internalize this, live it out every moment.

reclaiming the hijab and femininity

"my femininity is not for public consumption"

this is such a gorgeous line, from this article on women reclaiming the hijab to counter patriarchy and fundamentalism.

if i had been so articulate at 18, this is what i would have said to all those who questioned whywhywhy. it is so so liberating to not be seen by what you wear, your figure, your hairstyle. yes, at first, i felt like i was suddenly this asexual being, and many many guys (and girls) would simply shy away from me, or would treat me as they would an older, married lady. this was okay though, as i got my bearing as a freshman in university, in a different country, a different planet perhaps. 

being 'me' suddenly had so many more facets, such as what i studied, where in cairo i lived, who my room/flat mates were, what i read, which city i had come from. i am not saying that these facets are not there to people who are not veiled. i just felt that they came much easier now that my femininity was out of the equation.

today, some 20 years later, i am totally 'me', and my femininity is definitely not for public consumption :)

#microblog mondays

allah and i

it was one of those whatsapp forwards, a little corny, a little reminiscent of kipling's 'if'. the last line though, got me: "because in the end, it's between you and god; it was never between you and them anyway".

so so true. do good, speak good, be good, because that is what allah wants of you. and in the end, allah is who you must explain your actions to. i have firmly believed this, i was firmly brought up with this philosophy, with the 'turn the other cheek' philosophy. it is easy to do when you are surrounded by people of a similar nature, when you live in a place where giving people the benefit of the doubt is the norm, not the exception. being surrounded by cynics, a 'survival of the fittest' mentality and coarse language, i notice that i am becoming more abrasive, more cynical, less kind and trusting. i don't like it. i cannot change my surroundings, i cannot changer others' perceptions, but i can definitely change my own reactions. and suddenly, it is so easy; i just envision allah's presence at any situation, and choosing the better, righter option is nearly automatic. my choice may not sit well with others, but again, i just have to remind myself that it is allah's opinion that matters.

the one downside to this attitude though, is that it can make your relationships and interactions a little clinical, a little impersonal... 

choosing what is

i came across the following poem, which is summed up by the line, 'i vow to choose what is'. and this is something i have considerable difficulty with!

In this passing moment
by Shodo Harada Roshi

“In the presence of Sangha, in the light of Dharma,
in oneness with Buddha — may my path
to complete enlightenment benefit everyone!”

In this passing moment karma ripens
and all things come to be.
I vow to choose what is:
If there is cost, I choose to pay.
If there is need, I choose to give.
If there is pain, I choose to feel.
If there is sorrow, I choose to grieve.
When burning — I choose heat.
When calm — I choose peace.
When starving — I choose hunger.
When happy — I choose joy.
Whom I encounter, I choose to meet.
What I shoulder, I choose to bear.
When it is my death, I choose to die.
Where this takes me, I choose to go.
Being with what is — I respond to what is.

This life is as real as a dream;
the one who knows it can not be found;
and, truth is not a thing — Therefore I vow
to choose THIS dharma entrance gate!
May all Buddhas and Wise Ones
help me live this vow.

in discussing the poem, ivan notes, "You would think the unavoidable nature of “what is” would make a vow like this meaningless, but the human mind and heart are not entirely sane. They often choose fantasy, imaginings, shoulds and coulds, possibilities, even impossibilties, over what is. Very few of us truly dwell in reality. Very few of us sincerely experience the moments of our lives."

so true. the lines regarding choosing to grieve, choosing hunger, choosing to bear remind me of rumi's the guest house. lofty sentiments, but so hard to follow. when i am feeling lost, hurt or abandoned, i want to unexperience that as soon as possible, not dwell in it. moreover, when i am feeling wronged or upset, i have no smiles or sympathy to offer someone else.

and then, i am reminded by buddha, “Pay no attention to the faults of others, things done or left undone by others. Consider only what by oneself is done or left undone.” perhaps the key really is to focus more on myself, rather than others. perhaps i would be much happier if i only worked on myself, and just ignored all the (perceived) slights and faults of others. this is also not easy, but at least it is something concrete i can work towards. whereas if i were concentrating on how mean x was to me, i wouldn't know how to change x's behaviour.. as thoreau said, 'it is not what you look at, but what you see'.

the good, the bad, and the beauty

The Guest House
Rumi

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

**
beautiful poem, with a beautiful message. (how cool to have met rumi..) life is good and bad, and both can teach you a lot. being open to both is kind of related to being thankful for the small stuff, and a good resolution to work on during ramadan :)

knowledge and action

there is little value in knowledge when it is limited to the tongue (to words). the most valuable knowledge is that which manifests itself in the limbs and parts of the body (through actions). kalam of imam ali (as)

indeed. islam consistently says that it is not enough to know, you must also do.

yesterday, I heard a sermon on helping fellow muslims. I know the benefits of such assistance, I know its importance. but I do not actually act upon this knowledge. in fact, islam places a lot of emphasis on being a good, honest, humble person, on developing good characteristics, on being generous and kind and forgiving. I know all this. the corresponding actions are a little vague though—refraining from being unkind or dishonest is hardly enough..

if I were asked what my good deeds were, I’d be at a loss. I don’t really do all that much (prayer is not counted here.)

and I’m not even sure how to go about changing this. how do I be a better person? a better wife? I’m going to have to reflect on this and come up with a few things I can attempt on a daily basis..

suggestions or your own experiences are welcome!

hidden beauty

“the beauty of that which is hidden is greater than the beauty of that which is apparent” (kalam of imam ali (as))

I usually cruise along happily in my rida (more so now, after having lost some long unwanted extra kilos!), until someone rudely jolts me with their own prejudices and stereotypes. I have always thought the rida to be a beautiful and comfortable outfit, and wearing it always made me feel more ‘me’. it covers your hair and figure in a gentle, elegant manner. I never wanted anyone but my significant other to see me without a rida—everything within the two piece outfit was only for a special pair of eyes. everyone else could admire my rida, and the ‘me’ not related to any physical attributes.

**

i read this article today about india’s fairness obsession. a similar obsession exists in most of asia –hong kong, china, south korea, japan, and others. I am clueless as to its origins and what it means. I can understand that people have preferences for their skin tone, but to have life choices hinge on this is seriously insane.

i remember just returning to hk after graduating from college, and beginning my job search. this one ad kept playing on the tv, where a recent graduate is all depressed about finding a job, until her professor gives her some beauty product. as soon as she uses it, she’s all glowing and immediately lands a job. I was outraged. what, all I needed was a beauty cream to find a job?? what was the point of the four years of hard work, of graduating with honors?? argh.

society’s obsession with skin color, weight, fashion sense is truly bizarre, if you sit down to think about it.

**

the beauty of ramadan is also hidden. it's not found in just the physical manifestation of hunger and thirst, but in the spiritual cleansing and rewards undertaken.

There’s hidden sweetness in the stomach’s emptiness.
We are lutes, no more, no less. If the soundbox
is stuffed full of anything, no music. [Rumi, 'Fasting']
*
Let nothing be inside of you.
Be empty: give your lips to the lips of the reed.
When like a reed you fill with His breath,
then you’ll taste sweetness. [Rumi, 'Ramadan']

ramadan kareem

and it's ramadan! last year i spent quite a bit of time wondering what this ramadan would be like, in a new city, amongst new people.. it is hard to believe that a year has passed and life is moving along so quickly.. having no 'memories' here yet, my mind simply returns to the ramadan rituals and routines it was familiar with..

my favourite part of ramadan is its simplicity and lack of baggage, physical and mental. not being preoccupied with food, and focusing my energy on quran, namaz and dua is refreshing and.. fulfilling.

**

the following is something i came across some time ago, and it seemed like a good set of principles to work with during this month of ibadat:

1. God is a matter of alignment, not belief. Faith in God is not enough, you have to align yourself with the message. Valuing the master without mastering the values will not take you anywhere. The greater your non-alignment from the laws of life, the greater your suffering. Suffering is feedback from life, telling you that you are not aligned.

2. Life follows enthusiasm. Being enthusiastic is your way of being in touch with God. If you have to do something, do it enthusiastically or don’t do it at all. Right action is that which generates the energy to perform the action by itself.

3. We are people who are busy in our lives, and ‘also’ seeking God. But we have to become those who are busy in our lives ‘only’ seeking God.

read the entire piece here.

**

i was recently gifted an awesome book of rasullalah (sa)'s hadith and moulana ali's kalam. the month of ramadan is a good time to study and reflect upon them.

"do good to the worthy and unworthy. if a person is worthy, then he is deserving of that good. if the person is unworthy, then you are the one who does good regardless."

buddha's teachings

while working, i came across the following teachings of buddha, which i thought i'd share:

“However many holy words you read, however many you speak, what good will they do if you do not act upon them?”

“We are what we think… What we think, we become.”

“I never see what has been done; I only see what remains to be done.”

“Pay no attention to the faults of others, things done or left undone by others. Consider only what by oneself is done or left undone.”

“Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others… No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.”

“Each morning we are born again, what we do today is what matters most.”

optimism or denial?

i am confused about the fine line between optimism and/or faith and denial. websites and conversations are inundated with 'stay positive', 'believe things will work out', ‘fake it till you make it’, 'a smiling face will half your sorrows'. which reminded me of the hadith on always keeping a smiling face--of which I cannot recall the exact words right now; if anyone knows it, do share! (and that brought home to me (quite unpleasantly in fact) that praying namaz five times a day is not all that islam expects from me. but me being a poor muslim is not the subject of this post...)

i am not one of those persons who can smile and pretend the world is beautiful when I do not actually feel that way. apart from physically and mentally finding it a challenge, i also see it as deceitful. why should i say i’m fine when i’m not?

on the other hand, i’m rather tired of wallowing. every step i take forward, i stumble two more backward. is it better to sit and cry at my lack of progress and my oh so weary legs, or to rest briefly, smile and move forward yet again? if i have no choice but to remain on the road, then i pick the second option.

perhaps the difference is this- i am not denying my lack of progress and my weariness, just affirming that with patience, faith and yes, a smile, the road will eventually get easier to walk on. if i believe there is a reason for me to be on this road, then i must also believe that the means to walk it are also with me, that this burden is not more than i can bear.

and if this is in fact denial, then hey, I’m faithfully in denial!

reclaiming my faith

my faith and religious practice have been something that i have been able to take for granted for most of my life. i grew up in an environment where both were a given. i share this given with both my siblings and the majority of my bohra friends.

as i have noted before, it is easier to have faith when the sun is shining and things are going my way. similarly, i find it easier to practice my faith when it is shared by others, when i am surrounded by fellow practitioners.

with a change in my environment, i find myself floundering a little. there are suddenly many excuses for my lapses in namaz and other deeds. yes, there are more obstacles now than before. yes, the road to good practice is no longer paved concrete. however, i am realizing that only i can reclaim my faith and practice. i will have to forge a new road for myself, and i will use the memory of the old one to help me. when my day of reckoning comes, i won't have to say that it was too hard, that my environment was not conducive. i will, inshallah, return to that road i grew up on, and will meet my fellow companions there (and perhaps take some new ones with me!).

ramadan routine

after the first few days of ramadan, my body and mind quickly accustomed themselves to the new routine and i feel good, alhumdolillah. for the past few days i've even been gallivanting in the heat between namaz, trying to get things crossed from my numerous lists.

i enjoy the ramadan routine. there is something about the discipline and lack of choice (regarding food, entertainment, company) that is soothing, not to mention spiritually strengthening and refreshing. it makes me realize how much clutter there is in my life normally, how much unnecessary baggage is carried from one day to the next. ramadan is a welcome respite from it all. (if only i could continue like that after ramadan as well!)

my imminent departure makes this a more poignant ramadan as well, particularly with regard to 69. i find people there to be more friendly than usual -while nice, it's also a little disconcerting..

i cannot help but wonder how ramadan 2011 will play out- what will i be eating for sihori, where will i be sitting in markaz, who will my friends and neighbours be, and so many other things! fingers crossed that everything will be wonderful, inshallah :)

ready for ramadan?

Ramadan is upon us, and i have spent the weekend trying to ready myself, spiritually and physically. i am usually excited about ramadan, about the fasting, the extra namaz, the community spirit and interaction at markaz. the past couple of days however, i have been slightly tense, apprehensive about the rigors of a 14 hour fast in this heat, about being extra kind and patient while suffering from a lack of sleep, water and chocolate, about concentrating on the spiritual while daily wedding dramas unfold at home.. perhaps, it being my last ramadan in hk, in 69, has also been preying on me..

while revisiting last year's ramadan post, i was happy to reread the following from poetry chaikhana:

"It took me a while to understand that fasting, even a mild fast, is a confrontation with death. It is the willingness to temporarily abandon that constant hunt to satisfy every desire by attempting to slough off the fundamental hunger for food. How do you just have a desire and sit with it, without attempting to immediately satisfy it? That’s a pretty frightening question, when you really ask it."

indeed. i have been battling (in failure) erratic food cravings the last month, which have left me feeling unhealthy and out of sorts, as well as with little energy for my usual work outs.

"We use food to control emotions. We use food to shift mood and change awareness. Think of the way we grab a pint of ice cream from the freezer after a terrible breakup. Everything, even a salad, affects consciousness in some way. The resulting psychic shift after eating something can be relatively positive or relatively negative. It can help you to feel solid and grounded or expanded and open. It can tantalize the senses and flood us with feelings of satiation or leave us frustrated. None of this is necessarily bad, but we must understand how profoundly food affects awareness, and utilize food wisely… and sometimes not consume food at all.

"A fascinating thing happens when you fast as part of a spiritual practice: After you ease past the initial psychic tension and your body moves through any detox discomforts — the mind naturally settles and grows quiet."

perhaps my food battles have stemmed from the roller coaster ride my life has become right now. and perhaps, inshallah, with an empty stomach and settled mind, everything else will fall into place as well!

prayer (and faith)

prayer, for me, seems to resonate most when i am happy. when i am smiling and the sun is shining and i am thankful to be alive, to be part of this world, that is when i feel closest to allah. in fact, when i am thankful, period, is when i feel connected to a greater plan, and when i am spurred to engage more in dua and namaz and quran..

this engagement and connection seems to disappear when i am sad or in pain.. you would think that at these times i would rely more on prayer, but i do not. i tend to be so lost, so distracted, so focused on my physical discomfort, that any spiritual avenues seem non existent. i need to work on this, to cultivate more control and discipline, to focus less on worldly attributes.. perhaps, i also need more faith- it is easier after all, to believe when you are happy..

to want and to have

so many things have happened in the past couple of months.. all of them are things i have wanted for a long time, that i have prayed for consistently. to get them now, one after another, has left me a little dazed. i am so thankful for these blessings, and in my mind they are firmly linked to the barakat of ashera, so recently passed.

and yet, what i also feel, is that these things were not granted to me because i asked for them, but because they were part of the bigger picture. this makes me so much more cautious, so much more wary that everything can be lost again so easily; just as i had so little control over obtaining these blessings, i have as little control over them slipping through my fingers.

rumi's ramadan

Fasting
by Rumi

There’s hidden sweetness in the stomach’s emptiness.
We are lutes, no more, no less. If the soundbox
is stuffed full of anything, no music.
If the brain and belly are burning clean
with fasting, every moment a new song comes out of the fire.
The fog clears, and new energy makes you
run up the steps in front of you.
Be emptier and cry like reed instruments cry.
Emptier, write secrets with the reed pen.
When you’re full of food and drink, Satan sits
where your spirit should, an ugly metal statue
in place of the Kaaba. When you fast,
good habits gather like friends who want to help.
Fasting is Solomon’s ring. Don’t give it
to some illusion and lose your power,
but even if you have, if you’ve lost all will and control,
they come back when you fast, like soldiers appearing
out of the ground, pennants flying above them.
A table descends to your tents,
Jesus’ table.
Expect to see it, when you fast, this table
spread with other food, better than the broth of cabbages.

nice imagery- i like thinking of us as lutes. i also like Poetry Chaikhana's description of how food affects our thoughts, emotions and consciousness, and how he links that to the poem.

also,

Ramadan

O moon-faced Beloved,
the month of Ramadan has arrived
Cover the table
and open the path of praise.

O fickle busybody.
it’s time to change your ways.
Can you see the one who’s selling the halvah
how long will it be the halvah you desire?

Just a glimpse of the halvah-maker
has made you so sweet even honey says,
“I’ll out myself beneath your feet, like soil;
I’ll worship at your shrine.”

your chick frets within the egg
with all your eating and choking
Break out of your shell that your wings may grow.
Let yourself fly.

The lips of the Master are parched
from calling the Beloved.
The sound of your call resounds
through the horn of your empty belly.

Let nothing be inside of you.
Be empty: give your lips to the lips of the reed.
When like a reed you fill with His breath,
then you’ll taste sweetness.

Sweetness is hidden in the Breath
that fills the reed.
Be like Mary – By that sweet breath
a child grew within her.

on that note, ramadan karim!

muslim journeys towards love

i stumbled upon these two books today, which piqued my attention: catch a fish from the sea (using the internet) by nasreen akhtar, and love in a headscarf by shelina janmohammed. written by british muslim women, both books are about finding a partner outside the traditional set ups. they seem funny and refreshing.

if anyone has read them, do let me know your thoughts.. i'm going to have to get them off amazon, as neither the public libraries nor hku have them, and i assume most bookstores here won't stock them either..

measurement

i fell in love with jalaluddin rumi the first time i read his work in cairo. it was perhaps the infatuation of a 19-year-old exploring existence and spirituality. the story of rumi's friendship with shams and subsequent awakening added to my fervor.

it was words such as these that had me enraptured:

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”

“The minute I heard my first love story I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don't finally meet somewhere. They're in each other all along.”

since cairo, i have kept merely the memory of rumi with me. yesterday however, i came across a poem of his that struck me in its intensity and conviction, not to mention islamic principles (i must admit that in university, rumi's islamic origins were almost irrelevant).

On Resurrection Day God will ask,
“During this reprieve I gave you,
what have you produced for Me?
Through what work have you reached your life’s end?
Your food and your strength, for what have they been consumed?
Where have you dimmed the luster of your eyes?
Where have you dissipated your five senses?
You have expended eyes and ears and intellect
and the pure celestial substances;
what have you purchased from the earth?
I gave you hands and feet as spade and mattock
for tilling the soil of good works,
when did they by themselves become existent?”

what an awesome poem. each line is a reminder, a kick in the backside. i have wasted too much time recently in self indulgence and pity. it's time to get back on track. ayaam-al-taabudat is a great opprtunity for renewal. oh, i also need to find my copy of rumi!