I just finished Rainbow Rowell’s Fangirl, in a quick two day stretch. It was lovely! The book was light, but good. The characters and plot just made me want to immerse myself in their world and never get out. The main girl, Cath, she is a writer. And her descriptions of why she writes, how she feels when she is writing, is how I feel when I read! (why oh why doesn't someone want to pay me to read?!!)
Why do I write? Cath tried to come up with a profound answer…
To be somewhere else…
To get free of ourselves
And it was doubly awesome, because I picked up Fangirl after three aborted books. After I finished sacred games by Vikram Chandra, I was totally off my game in knowing what to read. Then I had headaches and dizziness issues, which meant I couldn’t read much anyways. All the light we cannot see by Anthony Doerr is one of the most
awesome books ever, a book that I will recommend to
everyone, one of those
oh-my-god-you-have-to-read-this-at-some-point-in-your-life books.
So I thought I would try another one of his novels, amazing grace.
But I just could not fathom it at all. The prose, the plot; none of it
made sense. Then I tried human traces by Sebastian Faulks, which had been sitting dormant in my kindle for at least a couple of years. I like Faulks’ writing (a week in December and birdsong are my favourite novels of his), but I am not into the subject of human traces –psychiatry. So I gave up after a couple of chapters. Next was zemindar by Valerie Fitzgerald, which all the reviews said was like an m m kaye novel –well, m m kaye was my absolute favourite for a few teenage years, so I thought why not. But I couldn’t get past the first few pages! (I am hoping that if I pick it up again in another frame of mind, I will enjoy it..) Finally, after much upset at not having something great on hand to read, I got fangirl. And it was exactly what I needed. It just sucked me in, whirled me around in its lovely world, and then threw me back out again :)
I found the whole fanfiction thing interesting. I know it exists, but that is really all I know. I learnt of its existence during the harry potter era.. I found it weird-fascinating-cool that people were so into harry potter that they were writing up stuff themselves and having conventions and whatnot. I love harry potter, and I love discussing the books and movies, but that is really it. I may dream of going to Hogwarts, but no further. I didn’t want to read what other harry potter stuff people were writing –j k rowling’s work was enough for me. So I found cath and her addiction to the fictional characters of simon and baz fascinating. That she would rather write about them, then turn in something original for one of her classes –wow. But most of all, It was nice to be immersed. Why else do I read, if not to get caught up somewhere else? I will happily play host to cath, Reagan, levi and others in my head for the next few days :))
#microblog mondays
mel, awesome person that she is, has started 'microblog mondays', to reclaim our blogging spaces, and hosting our thoughts (status updates, tweets and so forth) on our own blogs. since it only needs to be a few sentences long, it is a great way to get back into blogging. many a time i find myself composing a status update in my head, and i think that eventually i will blog about this. eventually never occurs, of course. i am so excited, and have so many thoughts running in my head, that i could theoretically write several of these microblog posts right now :))
**
had a long overdue conversation with c last night, it was good. and it was pleasantly surprising to hear that she is suddenly moving along in worlds close to mine (work wise). it made me feel a tad less alone (i cannot recall the last time i used 'human rights' in a face to face conversation with someone), and also shed some glimmers of light on a world that i could eventually slowly maybe step in myself, here in india/bombay..
**
i have been reading ruth ozeki's 'a tale for the time being' and enjoying it. good writing, good characters, interesting plot and structure. i told z that it was 'good but not great'. i won't give you any definitions for such praise, as it is totally subjective, and varies from my mood to the time etc. more than half way through the book however, suddenly last night, it got great! the reason was the appearance of the personal diary and letters of one of the characters, a kamikaze pilot in ww2, which are totally awesome. now i simply have to finish the book before i can concentrate on anything else. this occurs with greater frequency nowadays.. to the detriment of so many other things i should be doing!! i have no self control when it comes to reading fiction.. i remember the very first time this happened, was book four of harry potter. i began in the evening, read into a good part of the night, and then simply could not go to work at my summer internship the next day. i called in sick and finished the book :P total bliss. if only i could get paid to read all these amazing novels!!!
the twins are two! i started writing a post about this milestone a week ago (knowing that it could take me some time to get my thoughts down, and to 'find time' to write!!), which of course i haven't completed yet. but today, on their second birthday, i am missing my parents. i know how much they must want to celebrate with their grandsons. at this time last year, my mom was here. during every phone conversation, my dad invariably asks me when i am going for a visit, or tells me i should just send one/both of the twins over there. i truly envy all those people who have their entire families in one country, or even just one city. i don't dwell on this too much usually, as it could get quite depressing, and also because anyways, i am just thankful to have my family, even if they are far away. today however, i want my parents to be with me :s
"First there was nothing, then I was born... Yet that is not so. Human lives are not pieces of string that can be separated out from a knot of others and laid out straight. Families are webs... A birth is not really a beginning. Our lives at the start are not really our own but only the continuation of someone else's story... [the thirteenth tale, by diane setterfield]
i want my family, my parents and siblings to witness the twins' lives, which are also the continuation of our collective story..
**
a random career test was making the rounds on fb, and i succumbed to it expecting nothing but humor for my troubles. the screen told me that my destined career was to be a writer, to use words to tell a story, describe the world around me. huh. while not bowled over by its accuracy, i did see it as a sign from the universe, nudging me back to the path I had chosen so long ago. just yesterday I wrote that work is taking a back seat.. perhaps one reason for this is also because I am suddenly thinking of it as ‘work’. I need to make it my passion again, which is actually important to me as a person.. without it, I will be adrift.. additionally, i will be a better mom for it..
i came across this wonderful conversation between kamila shamsie, whose work i love (burnt shadows was absolutely beautiful) and pankaj mishra, whose work i know. they discussed political anger in contemporary literature, sparked off from the controversy surrounding chinese novelist mo yan’s winning of the pulitzer in 2012. it covers a lot of ground (and authors), and brings up great points for discussion:
Do we ever expose the political preferences of Mo Yan’s counterparts in the West to such harsh scrutiny?...
[What i objected to] was the attempt to delegitimize [Mo Yan's] literary achievement through some selective reference to his political choices, like his refusal to sign a petition. If we were to take that narrow measure to many of the canonical figures of Western literature—from Dickens with his bloodthirsty writings during the Indian Mutiny, to Nabokov, who adored the war in Vietnam—those writers would have to be dismissed as worthless.
...we need a more complex understanding of writers working under authoritarian or repressive regimes. Something to replace this simpleminded, Cold War-ish equation in which the dissident in exile is seen as a bold figure, and those who choose to work with restrictions on their freedom are considered patsies for repressive governments. Let’s not forget that most writers in history have lived under nondemocratic regimes: Shakespeare, Tolstoy, and Goethe didn’t actually enjoy constitutionally guaranteed rights to freedom of speech. And let’s not forget also, alas, that freedom of speech doesn’t guarantee great literature.
...You have to ask: How many writers in Anglo-America who, unlike Mo Yan, enjoy untrammeled liberty to say whatever they want on political issues, have actually made use of their privileges during the last decade of violence and mayhem unleashed by their governments?
...The fact is that the patron saint of modern liberalism, John Stuart Mill, thought that barbarian peoples like the Indians were unfit for self-rule.
...Where is the rage? It’s one thing to say writers don’t get worked up about what their nation is doing in the Middle East, but here we have writers not getting worked up about what the state is doing to their ability to write without constraint.
I have been wanting to write up something regarding literature and human rights, and this is the perfect encouragement. in fact, it was nice to read one of my fav authors on a topic close to my heart. isabelle allende, barbara kingsolver, kamila shamsie, gabriel garcia marquez, mohammed hanif; they all write political, social fiction, and i love them all. i have been too busy engorging on the prose lately, and not paying enough attention/homage to the content. this article was a pleasant knock on the head.
i don’t know what i seem to do with the time these days. i am always running out of time. while having accomplished very little. i am spending too much time doing NOTHING. or taking too long to do little things. i just finished reading ‘the last anniversary’ by liane moriarty, and one of the characters could spend an hour contemplating a carton of milk, without realizing the amount of time having passed (she was suffering from undiagnosed postnatal depression). i can relate. i am quite sure that i am not suffering from depression, (although i admit to feeling blue and down occasionally), so i just need to get my act together.. (but you know, the whole postnatal depression thing, people should be made more aware. they should inform you and your family at the hospital. this character in the story, it was so sad that no one in her family, not even her husband (well, not until much later), realized what was going on..)
anyways, related to this disappearing time that i am facing, is that i have not been blogging forever, even though i have several unfinished posts sitting in my draft folder, and many many ideas randomly going through my head. i decided today that i would just sit and spew it all out (well, not all, but some!). so please excuse the rambling and lengthy nature of this post.
quite some time ago, i excitedly downloaded a daily workout app on my phone. when i used it for the first time, i started with a simple, 10 minute cardio workout, with essentially 10 different moves, all to be done for one minute. huh. i had forgotten how painful and long one minute can be.. pretty much all the moves requiring any form of jumping were impossible for me to do!! how on earth did i get so unfit?! not to mention all the weight i am putting on from the late night snacks i am 'forced' to eat due to the twins waking up several times each night.. ugh! apart from clothes not fitting me well, i am also concerned with the strain put on my body.. yes, we are getting older, and i suddenly have aches and pains that i thought i was immune to.. so, i will try to stick with this daily workout, at least until i can do all the moves comfortably, before heading on to something tougher. [so, it has been at least a month since i wrote this, and no, i never did the workout again :( i need to find a good time when i can do this, and then just stick with it. i know i can find 15 mins in my day for this.. if i could just stop blanking out hours at a time.. or stop playing so much scrabble and ruzzle. jeez.]
another thing that i meant to do more of was write, and clearly, that is not happening either. aisha has a lovely post today on writing, and i REALLY need to follow her example of just sitting down and doing it. one of the reasons i procrastinate so much is that it is not always easy to get the rambling thoughts in my head into a coherent form on the screen. i know that it will get easier if i practice more, but this knowledge is not translating into action, despite my good intentions. again, i think i need to schedule a time for it, and then just do it.
i am meant to be writing a book review for work, and while taking copious notes while reading the book, since i finished the book, i have yet to begin writing. i seriously need to kick my own butt.
on a positive note, i asked a friend to write an article for work, and that has meant working with a friend! how fun :)
the twins are 17 months now!! gosh gosh gosh. they babble a LOT, their vocab is constantly increasing and amazing me, as is their perception of the world around them. they crack me up daily, and every day i just want to hug them tight and bottle them up. all those people who kept telling me that babies are much better and easier when they are tiny and portable -but what about all the fun and interaction and giggling?? i loved them as babies when they just lay and flailed their limbs, but them being toddlers is so much more fun, and less anxiety prone for me. reading stories to them, drawing their favourite objects, watching them babble stories to each other or to themselves, watching them observe their surroundings and then trying to own them is so so precious and wonderful. alhumdolillah. (okay, their tantrums and aggression suck, but hey. that is for another post.)
some time ago, i read mel stating that learning programming would help her to write, as it required one to be logical and precise, which was important in story writing too. this is true of not just writing fiction, but non fiction as well. tight, concise and logical writing can never go wrong.
today i read this piece, with 10 writing tips. the author is apparently the chair of the polsci dept at duke, which i found a little surprising. why? because his writing is not all that great, although his tips are very useful. and also, because he seems to have low standards, for both others, and himself. many of the comments to his piece also pick up on this..
writing a research paper is darn important. for me, my undergrad years were marked by my improved writing, research and analytical skills. this, to me anyways, is the entire point of a university education. it teaches you to think, to critique and to express your thoughts and findings. these skills will then serve you for the rest of your life, in whatever field you choose. those of us who have had to research topics online, and vet our sources, can now unerringly tell which website is useful when we want to google any information. i have come across many people who have not had this benefit, and continue to think that everything found on yahoo answers or from the christian science monitor is gospel. these skills allow you to pick up on the differences in news from different news channels/stations/papers and form informed opinions.
writing a good research paper requires you to read widely. this is good practice for life in general i think; reading is so very important. literature, nonfiction, poetry, prose, news reports, analytical articles, reviews, academic papers, personal narratives, court judgments -all of this gives you a better picture of the world you live in, it opens eyes and doors and minds to so much diversity.
at one of my first polsci classes, a professor mentioned an american president who apologized to his staff for writing a long memo, as he didn’t have the time to write a short one. this is something that has stayed with me throughout graduate school and beyond. writing a shorter article means you have to be more concise, which in turn means you have to know your material well.
i want an education for the twins that encourages reading, writing and critical thinking. i worry that this is not so easy to come by here..
i too, am guilty of no longer ‘practicing’ my writing, of no longer reading as much.. i need to organize these components into my schedule..
**
speaking of schedules, i read this article on things to accomplish before 8am. sigh. i need to make my own list (starting small, of course), and really get things going. although i don’t get to bed till midnight as one or the other of the twins is still up, and although i have to wake up several times at night to soothe them, waking up late is not helping me. i have too many things i need to get done in the day.. and too many things that are simply not happening. exercise, even if only a simple stretching routine, is definitely a priority (my knees are killing me these days). praying namaz and quran is another priority. perhaps i could even squeeze in some writing and reading! sure, i could add household chores to my list too (which would perhaps make my MIL and hubby happy), but that would be a little too ambitious at this stage i think..
so, exercise and prayer will be my pre-8am goals! let's see how i go..
january 29, 2013
ever since i started reading aisha’s monthly love letters to her son, i was in awe. i loved the idea. i wanted to do it myself. i planned to do it once i knew i was having twins. once you were born, i was going to do it. every month, i planned on writing, on getting back to the blog, on sharing you with the world, on sharing my world with you. today i read aisha’s one month letter to her newborn, and i am totally bummed that i still did not write yours, despite both of you being six months.
so i am writing this. when i learnt i was having twins, i immediately wanted one boy and one girl. the girl would be my friend i thought. i hope that the two of you will be my friends too.
i adore both of you. you are both so very different. i can see this so clearly, and i wonder what it means for the future. i cannot wait till you are older and can interact with me more. i have so so many dreams for you. so many aspirations. not the ‘i want you to be an engineer’ kind. be whatever you want, but be happy in your chosen field. be nice to everyone, be gentlemen. i wish for you lots of love, laughter, books, friends and travel. i wish you peace, courage and strength. i look upon the mistakes i made in my life, the opportunities i never took, and i wish for you to not do the same. the world truly is your classroom -don’t stick to one corner, be bold and explore. (i hope that the fact that your first flight was on dec 31, 2011, when you were four months, will have some lasting influence here..)
i have learnt that parenting is little more than trial and error, so i hope you will overlook my failings and focus on the love and energy with which i tried. as i get one thing figured out, you are both more than happy to move two steps ahead again. i love both of you with my entire being, but i have to admit that i am not in love with motherhood per se. someday i will write a post on motherhood, beginning with baraka’s words, that the journey/story of “becoming a mother and all the ways that smashes into and fractures everything else she is, of being broken open and made anew, is one that takes a lifetime to understand”.
you have just started your sixth month. you now eat small amounts of baby rice cereal, and i plan to introduce you to mashed veggies in the coming days. you laugh and smile with abandon, you speak and shout in delight in a language all your own. you cry as much as you laugh at night however, which continues to distress me no end. you play as happily with my dupatta as with your rattle, and this is a lesson i am learning early -you really don’t need so many toys to keep your entertained. the toys are really for me!
i’m
back! and it feels great. logging on to blogger felt like opening the
door to my childhood room.. the template may be dated, but it’s home.
this is my space, my corner of the vast universe where i can say what i
want, where i can vent, where i can articulate and share and organize
all those random jumbled thoughts running through my head at any given
moment.
i
write largely for myself, but always knowing that i have a small
audience reading.. so yes, i write for them too. that doesn’t change
what i write, perhaps just how i write it.
home is where the heart is
and my heart is filled with ink,
waiting to be spilt
in patterns and designs that share my soul with yours
i
started this blog as a way to help me articulate, get over my fear of
public speaking.. since then, it has become much more like a journal, a
room for me to live in on my own, amidst all my thoughs ad words. it
also became one room amongst many others, where a few travellers would
come and pause, and perhaps share their journey with me. i found several
online communities through blogging, for which i will always be
thankful.
here’s to more writing, reading and sharing!
i came across this wonderful ted talk by elizabeth gilbert on creativity. (i need to check out more ted talks, really.) she shared some interesting history of greek and roman concepts of genius, where it was believed that individuals were visited by a ‘genius’, rather than being a genius themselves -like gilbert, i totally dig that!
surely, many people today (artists, writers, all creative people) must believe that to some extent anyways. how many could say that their creative work is 100 percent them, and not a product of circumstances, environment and some kind of divinity (including themselves)?
the talk brought to mind one of my favorite erica jong quotes: “the truth is no one knows where poems come from. especially not the poets.”
and reminded me of the following words by czeslaw milosz in ‘a book of luminous things’ (awesome international poetry anthology, you should definitely check it out if poetry is your thing): "Writing is a vocation but many writers experience it also as a curse and a burden. In a way, they feel as if they are serving as instruments to a force alien to them."
these were an intro to ‘in praise of my sister’ by wislawa szymborska, in which “the word ‘poems’ at the end of the lines serves to enhance the weirdness of that occupation”!!
‘poetry reading’ by anna swir also serves to capture the pressure put on poets to talk about all the mysteries of life, death and eternity.
coming across this post on the topics favored by women bloggers in India (parenting, personal life, domesticity, cooking) was interesting, for several different reasons. firstly, I was surprised that there weren’t more women listed for writing about books, travel and current affairs, as I’m sure they’re out there. second, it was interesting to follow the comments regarding what constitutes ‘interesting’ topics, and I was reassured by most commenters noting that rather than women having to further diversify their interests (to ‘keep up’ with men), perhaps men should be encouraged to write more about parenting and domesticity. thirdly, it made me reflect upon the various blogs I read and their topics. a quick breakdown:
parenting: 3 women
Writing, books: 3 women, 2 group
Religion, spirituality: 1 woman, 4 men, 2 group
Life reflections: 11 women, 3 men
Poetry: 1 woman, 1 man
Travel: 1 woman
Current affairs: 3 men
while it is relatively easy to categorize the blogs in terms of gender, it was far more difficult to categorize them into various topics. not only do all the blogs fall into more than one category, but the categories themselves overlap: spirituality and life reflections for instance, or writing and travel. furthermore, how do I decide what is current affairs? should it be limited to the current debate on india’s poverty line, or is the southwest airlines’ policy on same sex kissing and its effects on a little girl included too? what about this and this ('this week'); are they current affairs, life reflections or parenting?
the majority of the blogs I read are not by Indian authors. (I have in fact been trying to increase my intake of Indian blogs, without success to date. recommendations are always welcome!) the three that I do read are on current affairs and politics, writing and life, and travel and life. two by women and one by a man. I read more blogs by women than men –this is something I only realized now, after this exercise. I read what interests me, what speaks to me, what makes me feel good. in other words, blogs about writing, faith, books, life, community, current affairs. and yes, I also read blogs written by people who interest me, who I care about.
fourth, a quick google search on the topic of women bloggers brought up an interesting book (that I hope to read someday), which indicated that while women bloggers are perhaps doing better in the west than in India, the same issues/stereotypes continue to plague them, albeit at a different level. some quote-worthy paras:In an effort to counteract invisibility, many female bloggers have created gendered blog spaces on the Internet to support, promote and highlight each other’s work… Women bloggers use these blog spaces to identify good female blog content that is not being picked up in the popular or top lists…
Though women bloggers are often accused of avoiding political discussion, an analysis of blog postings… shows this assumption is erroneous. Quite the opposite, female bloggers shine a light on many neglected issues in the public sphere that relate to feminist politics… Much of the alternative news that is created in these networks addresses topics that are either routinely ignored by mass media news reports, or buried in such newspaper sections as the lifestyles or features.
I also came across the following article on Indian women bloggers, which noted that the advent of blogging in languages other than english gave more diverse women an opportunity for articulation than before. as a result,
In the Hindi, Tamil, Telugu, Marathi and Bengali blogospheres, the rise of female bloggers has been sharp in the past two or three years, especially in small-town and rural India. They discuss the joys and trials of more intimate but often more conservative communities, and the challenges of life within the extended family. Politics comes up, but with a focus on local issues usually missing from English-language discussions.
English-language female bloggers have tended to write about city life, dating and relationships, and workplace issues. The women who are coming online now from the small towns may have more circumscribed lives — fewer opportunities for work outside the home, a greater emphasis on marriage — but blog with confidence and self-awareness about changing social mores and their growing economic aspirations.
And whereas the women who dominate the English-language blogosphere tend to be urbanites in their teens and 20s, the Bengali, Hindi and Tamil blogs seem to have engaged the attention of older women.
so, to end, go women bloggers! anyone who thinks women blog about 'boring' or 'typical' topics simply needs to read more female blogs. on the other hand, if finance, IT and mainstream politics are their narrow world of 'interest', then their definition of boring needs to checked!
the old adage on writing has always been to write what you know. (which is strange, really, because as a child, when I did most of my fiction writing, not only did I not know much, but I always wrote about things I did not know –supermarket trolleys with a life of their own, magical birds that could talk and save you from all kinds of disasters, boarding schools and midnight feasts.) perhaps ‘know’ should not be taken so literally, perhaps it is more about ‘knowing’ the characters and places well enough to bring them to reality for someone else.
according to stephanie mooney, you need to “believe what you're writing. Know it in the pit of your stomach. Make it real.” she notes that this is how jk rowling makes you believe in quidditch and wingardium leviosa, or how jr tolkien convinces you of the characteristics of middle earth. so, you need to believe, and believe with a passion. (for those interested in writing, I recommend you read her entire post, which is quite short, but totally packed with goodies regarding writing your way to genuine characters and plot.)
mel makes a similar point, noting that you can use your own experiences and “slide sideways into something unrelated”, rather than limiting yourself to the biblical sense of what you know. I’ve been stuck with my writing for awhile, and I know it has a lot to do with me not creatively expanding my horizon, mired in the very little that I ‘know’. my characters, places and events are boring me, because they are too close to what I know, there is no space for them to grow into their own skin.
it is a little scary to suddenly throw my characters into unknown territory, to flounder along with them as they make sense of the new. but hey, they say it’s the journey that’s more important than the destination, so let’s see where the floundering lands us!
it is so easy to get distracted, to stray from your goals, to not write diligently. a recent comment on my last post reminded me that it’s been 15 days since I last blogged –huh, how did that happen? where did those 15 days go? I know that there have been numerous blog worthy instances occurring in the past two weeks, but the time and inclination to write has just passed me by. it’s like if I don’t consciously take note of things and force myself to write them out, they just remain elusive thoughts and ideas floating in the universe. this is not to say that it is difficult to write regularly; it is just too easy to get sidetracked and not write. if I had actually written every time I’d had an idea in the last 15 days, I might have ended up with one post every two days! [note to self: write through all distractions. in fact, distractions can be great topics for blog posts!]
so promptly seems like a great exercise to join.
i meant to write this post some days ago, during the protests against hosni mubarak/just after he stepped down, but that didn't happen. no matter, now i have more links to share (see below).
during the protests, i was truly awed and ecstatic by the number of fellow aucians/egyptians/arabs who were involved, no matter in what way- out on the streets, praying in another country, organizing protests in another continent, sharing information, checking up on their friends and family through cyberspace, and whatever else. i was proud to have known these people, to have shared a class, a coffee, a campus with them. i was even more proud to see how far they had come, how responsible, decent, courageous and passionate they were now being. ten years ago, discussing revolutions and reform and democracy in lectures and coffee shops had now come to fruition for them in a way that none of us had ever imagined i'm sure..
i have been lucky enough to work in a field related to my passion and my studies for the past many years. democracy, human rights, governance and accountability are part of my daily bread and butter. not so for many of my fellow aucians. this made their passion and contribution all the more profound.
the tiny sparks of inspiration i was able to glean from them, from so far away, has been seen by many others, around the world. the ongoing wave of protests in the region is but one indication of this.
i came across much inspired and insightful writing at this time, which i wanted to share:
http://blogs.aljazeera.net/middle-east/2011/02/21/what-next-mad-dog-libya
'what next for the 'mad dog' of libya' -the awakening of the arab world, without foreign intervention, and the sad fact that the "western governments seem as opposed to freedom and democracy as the despots who have ruled the Arab world for decades".
http://ipsnews.net/news.asp?idnews=54577
'now gaddafi makes the same mistake'- analysis on how regime violence merely emphasizes its lack of legitimacy and lessens public support
http://blogs.aljazeera.net/asia/2011/02/20/call-me-if-theres-revolution
'call me if there's a revolution' - a journalist lists why there won't be a similar revolution in china
http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2011/feb/09/uprising-revealed-real-egypt
'uprising has revealed the real egypt' - the political awareness of egyptians and their legitimate demands
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-middle-east-12393795
writer ahdaf soueif on egyptians finally 'reclaiming the spirit of egypt'
if you have other links to share, i'm always happy to hear from you!
reading and writing are the two things that (unsurprisingly) are becoming my new anchors in this foreign environment. i am enjoying 'the bastard of istanbul' by elif shafak, which i picked up as a happy coincidence at the second hand bookstore before flying. i had first come across the book early this year when i returned from my three month exile, and while it intrigued me, i ended up choosing a far more down to earth novel. seeing it at the bookstore now, before my new journey, i knew i had to take it with me! (an aside: i don't frequent the second hand bookstore much, but whenever i'm there, i'm always happy with my finds :)
i shall perhaps write a separate post on shafak's novel, but for now i just want to note that the characters and the history engage me, and not only fuel my desire to read more, but to write. this ties in to my increased journalling, as a way to not just record this crazy and momentous time, but also to make sense of things, to feel a semblance of control.
i want to write myself a cocoon, create a world where there are clear distinctions between grey, white and black, where princesses really are rescued by their princes, where the wave of a fairy godmother's wand is enough to ensure glamour and glitter and beauty, where happiness and affection remain unmarked by toil, heat and pressure. surely i can write my way to a new life, complete with the characters and attributes i desire?!
while clearing out files from my computer, i came across this piece written in 2008. only two years ago, and yet it seems like forever. those events and memories have been deeply buried, and i'd like to keep them that way. i'm posting the piece up however, because i like the writing, and i know i will most likely never finish it.. (the idea was to write a short chapter on each 'episode'/suitor, with the ideal finale being on the guy i actually married. needless to say, it was far too painful to get through more than what i have below!)
Episodes
She looked at the list in bemusement. There were names, numbers and places. She was supposed to choose her husband like this? She closed her eyes, subconsciously hoping that when she reopened them, the paper would have gone, perhaps replaced by a marriage certificate. She just wanted the process to be over, to begin a new life without actually making any surreal or gut wrenching decisions.
**
As she sat on the sofa watching him walk along the hallway and into the lounge, she tried to swallow her disappointment. He was skinny and had terrible acne. But he might be really intelligent and funny, she told herself. His awkward communal greeting and fidgety seating did little to improve her impression. That she herself might not have made any better an entrance in such circumstances did not allow her cut him any slack; she expected potential suitors to possess far more self confidence and panache than that. If only she could just put an end to this right now.
After some more terribly awkward moments, the two of them were walking towards the park. They began a stilted conversation without looking at one another.
**
She was relieved to find a newspaper that she could bury herself in amidst numerous toys scattered around the hall. She read of the latest scandals surrounding the US presidential elections with equal measures of resignation and contempt. Comments made by World Bank officials regarding developing economies resulted in a smirk, while an eyebrow was raised at the announcement of the Booker prize being awarded to a novel on India’s sordid dark side. Within these pages was a world she was familiar with, a world that she was part of. If only she could stay here.
Y plopped down next to her. “So, how was it?” Had she really been expecting her wish to come true?
She lowered her newspaper shield reluctantly and squirmed a little on her seat. “Well, it was… okay, I guess.”
i have wanted to write for the past couple of days, but there was nothing specific i wanted to say. or, more accurately, i wasn't sure what i wanted to say here, on this blog.. today, the need to write, to have words move from my head to my fingertips to the screen was overwhelming, and so i thought of using some creative writing prompts to channel my energy into words. many of the exercises i checked out were interesting, but two particularly grabbed me: writing about things i've lost and found, and randomly picking words from a dictionary and writing around them.
i have a dictionary on my desk at work, and another at home. i cannot remember the last time i opened either. there was a time when i was quite particular about increasing and refining my vocab, when i would meticulously check out every word i did not know, when i would 'learn' a new word every week. i miss that time. i seem to have lost that drive, that motivation to excel, to improve, to grow. my vocab is so stagnant now, so incestuous. i use the same words for both work and play. in fact, i use such few words that i have imbued them all with various levels of meanings (to H's consternation!). so, my homework will be to find replacements for funny, interesting, weird and scared! i will also attempt to open the dictionary at least once a week.
now for the creative writing dictionary exercise: forte, possession, wanton, bucket
she finally found the bucket. hands on her hips, she grinned happily at the shiny redness. her grin faded a little as she took in all the possessions packed into it. was that a sock there? blowing out a few breaths, she bent down and began emptying colored pebbles, a bottle of bubble liquid, two plastic spades, mouldy socks, some books that were falling apart. she no longer remembered whether these belonged to her or her brother. most likely to her brother; books and words were his forte. she found words too dense, complicated. she was happier with pictures, images. she loved to draw-people, plants, objects. once she was done with the bucket, she would go back to her latest sketch of her wanton cat.
**
that was fun! maybe i should do this weekly too.. :)
related to writing more and using new vocab, a close friend last night was enthusiastic about the potential writing inspiration living in india would offer me. of all the comments people have made about my eventual relocation, this was one of the nicest, and most unique :)
it reminded me of conversations with fellow cairene residents, of how the multitude of our crazy and unusual experiences in eygpt would make for fascinating reads, were we to ever pen them down..
indeed, the prospect of so much food for thought and writing is quite exciting! (what actually happens then is irrelevant at the moment.. ;)
a recent (virtual) conversation about blogging as a means of recording moments and experiences, particularly so we may come back and find ourselves, spurred me to increase my journal scribblings.
it also reminded me however, that what we write now, about a particular experience, is not necessarily how we may remember it. does that make sense? theoretically, i would think that the two would be the same. but when i recall certain past incidents or periods, and i read through my journal entries from that time, i find that many moments so clear in my mind, are not recorded within those pages. and the things written about, particularly with so much angst, i can barely remember!! it would be an oversimplification as well as too much of a generalization to say that i remember the happy stuff, whereas i wrote about the sad stuff, but that does seem to be one way to understand this.. another, perhaps more accurate explanation, is that i am not able to write about everything i am feeling, or everything i experience, and so only the most intensely felt stuff was recorded. also, while blogging for me is a more critical and reflective exercise (i.e. i am more conscious of an audience), journalling was far more about recording events and letting off steam..
despite the 'flaws' of such subjective recording, i am very glad that i have my journals (and now this blog) to go back to, that i may relive certain moments, remember certain places and persons :)
one of the classes i'm taking requires students to participate in a blog. i have been dithering about whether or not i will publicize it. regardless of the pros and cons and what finally made me decide to share the link, here it is- http://ponderingir.wordpress.com/
one of my colleagues is without doubt the best writer--and editor--that i know. today, i read some of his work after a hiatus of two months. again, i was struck not only by his clarity and style, but also by his creativity. this latter is perhaps the quality i most envy. to be able to say the same thing for the umpteenth time in a different and unique way is definitely not easy. in fact, this is the one thing that particularly frustrated me several months ago; i was sick of repeating the same phrases, playing with the same expressions. when these are made up of 'extrajudicial killings',' official impunity',' lack of effective remedies' and the like, the frustration is not merely stylistic. inspirational writing like his is therefore greatly welcomed.
three years ago, when i first met him and was in awe, i told myself that he had ten years more experience than myself. i hoped that i too would reach that point after a certain amount of experience. now, i am not so sure. sure, writing (and the critical process associated with it) is a skill. it is also a talent. skills can be learnt, but talent cannot.