prayer, for me, seems to resonate most when i am happy. when i am smiling and the sun is shining and i am thankful to be alive, to be part of this world, that is when i feel closest to allah. in fact, when i am thankful, period, is when i feel connected to a greater plan, and when i am spurred to engage more in dua and namaz and quran..
this engagement and connection seems to disappear when i am sad or in pain.. you would think that at these times i would rely more on prayer, but i do not. i tend to be so lost, so distracted, so focused on my physical discomfort, that any spiritual avenues seem non existent. i need to work on this, to cultivate more control and discipline, to focus less on worldly attributes.. perhaps, i also need more faith- it is easier after all, to believe when you are happy..
23 April 2010
20 April 2010
writing my life
a recent (virtual) conversation about blogging as a means of recording moments and experiences, particularly so we may come back and find ourselves, spurred me to increase my journal scribblings.
it also reminded me however, that what we write now, about a particular experience, is not necessarily how we may remember it. does that make sense? theoretically, i would think that the two would be the same. but when i recall certain past incidents or periods, and i read through my journal entries from that time, i find that many moments so clear in my mind, are not recorded within those pages. and the things written about, particularly with so much angst, i can barely remember!! it would be an oversimplification as well as too much of a generalization to say that i remember the happy stuff, whereas i wrote about the sad stuff, but that does seem to be one way to understand this.. another, perhaps more accurate explanation, is that i am not able to write about everything i am feeling, or everything i experience, and so only the most intensely felt stuff was recorded. also, while blogging for me is a more critical and reflective exercise (i.e. i am more conscious of an audience), journalling was far more about recording events and letting off steam..
despite the 'flaws' of such subjective recording, i am very glad that i have my journals (and now this blog) to go back to, that i may relive certain moments, remember certain places and persons :)
it also reminded me however, that what we write now, about a particular experience, is not necessarily how we may remember it. does that make sense? theoretically, i would think that the two would be the same. but when i recall certain past incidents or periods, and i read through my journal entries from that time, i find that many moments so clear in my mind, are not recorded within those pages. and the things written about, particularly with so much angst, i can barely remember!! it would be an oversimplification as well as too much of a generalization to say that i remember the happy stuff, whereas i wrote about the sad stuff, but that does seem to be one way to understand this.. another, perhaps more accurate explanation, is that i am not able to write about everything i am feeling, or everything i experience, and so only the most intensely felt stuff was recorded. also, while blogging for me is a more critical and reflective exercise (i.e. i am more conscious of an audience), journalling was far more about recording events and letting off steam..
despite the 'flaws' of such subjective recording, i am very glad that i have my journals (and now this blog) to go back to, that i may relive certain moments, remember certain places and persons :)
13 April 2010
shakespeare's legacy
i came across this list of movie titles followed by the name of the shakespeare play that inspired them:
A Double Life (1947) Othello
A Thousand Acres (1997) King Lear
All Night Long (1962) Othello
Catch My Soul (1974) Othello
Forbidden Planet (1956) The Tempest
King of Texas (2002) King Lear
Kiss Me Kate (1948) The Taming of the Shrew
Let the Devil Wear Black (1999) Hamlet
Men of Respect (1991) Macbeth
My Own Private Idaho (1991) Henry IV and Henry V plays
Ran (1985) King Lear
Romeo Must Die (2000) Romeo and Juliet
Scotland, PA (2001) Macbeth
She’s the Man (2006) Twelfth Night
Strange Brew (1983) Hamlet
The Boys from Syracuse (1940) Comedy of Errors
Tower of London (1939) Richard III
Were the World Mine (2008) A Midsummer’s Night Dream
West Side Story (1961) Romeo and Juliet
Yellow Sky (1943) The Tempest
i haven't seen most of them, so now i have titles to look for! (reviews and recommendations are welcome.) the list was in commemoration of shakespeare's birth and death on the same day, april 23. the author also wrote a post titled 'everybody speaks hamlet', which has a list of popular expressions originating from the play. among them are:
To thine own self be true
Though this be madness, yet there is is method in ‘t.
The lady doth protest too much, methinks
In my mind’s eye
Neither a borrower nor a lender be
Conscience does make cowards of us all
in my heart of hearts
13 March 2010
poetry
yesterday the poetry anthologies i ordered online arrived, yay! i've been wanting to get into more poetry for ages.
while browsing through them, i found myself remarking that ever since going into hr, i have left behind other things. my use of language and vocabulary is limited to certain countries, certain professions, certain concepts. there are so many words i don't use, so many sentence structures i don't get to construct. i want a new canvas, a new palette..
Contraband, by denise levertov
The tree of knowledge was the tree of reason.
That's why the taste of it
drove us from Eden. That fruit
was meant to be dried and milled to a fine powder
for use a pinch at a time, a condiment.
God had probably planned to tell us later
about this new pleasure.
We stuffed our mouths full of it,
gorged on but and if and how and again
but, knowing no better.
It's toxic in large quantities; fumes
swirled in our heads and around us
to form a dense cloud that hardened to steel,
a wall between us and God, Who was Paradise.
Not that God is unreasonable--but reason
in such excess was tyranny
and locked us into its own limits, a polished cell
reflecting our own faces. God lives
on the other side of that mirror,
but through the slit where the barrier doesn't
quite touch ground, manages still
to squeeze in--as filtered light,
splinters of fire, a strain of music heard
then lost, then heard again.
while browsing through them, i found myself remarking that ever since going into hr, i have left behind other things. my use of language and vocabulary is limited to certain countries, certain professions, certain concepts. there are so many words i don't use, so many sentence structures i don't get to construct. i want a new canvas, a new palette..
Contraband, by denise levertov
The tree of knowledge was the tree of reason.
That's why the taste of it
drove us from Eden. That fruit
was meant to be dried and milled to a fine powder
for use a pinch at a time, a condiment.
God had probably planned to tell us later
about this new pleasure.
We stuffed our mouths full of it,
gorged on but and if and how and again
but, knowing no better.
It's toxic in large quantities; fumes
swirled in our heads and around us
to form a dense cloud that hardened to steel,
a wall between us and God, Who was Paradise.
Not that God is unreasonable--but reason
in such excess was tyranny
and locked us into its own limits, a polished cell
reflecting our own faces. God lives
on the other side of that mirror,
but through the slit where the barrier doesn't
quite touch ground, manages still
to squeeze in--as filtered light,
splinters of fire, a strain of music heard
then lost, then heard again.
reading lolita in tehran
i found the following entry in my journal, which i opened to write in after a long two years! this might have been my first time to write of books. i thought i would post it here, not just to add to my book posts, but also to remind myself of 'living' literature.
--------
march 2006
"this is how you read a novel: you inhale the experience"
"...has learned that every individual has different dimensions to his personality... Those who judge must take all aspects of an individual's personality into account. It is only through literature that one can put oneself in someone else's shoes and understand the other's different and contradictory sides and refrain from becoming too ruthless... If we had learned this one lesson from Dr A our society would have been in a better shape today."
"...words literally rose up in the air and descended upon us like a fine mist, touching all five senses."
Nietzsche: "whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And when you look long into an abyss, the abyss also looks into you."
Flaubert: "You should have a heart in order to feel other people's hearts."
"This respect for others, empathy, lies at the heart of the novel... Lack of empathy was to my mind the central sin of the regime, from which all others flowed."
"You get a strange feeling when you're about to leave a place, I told him, like you'll not only miss the people you love but you'll miss the person you are now at this time and this place, because you'll never be this way again." [this is EXACTLY how i felt when i left cairo!]
this was a beautiful book. in many ways. to live like that, to LIVE literature, that is something i am unable to do. most of the time, when i read, it is to escape. so there must be a distinction, separation between fiction and reality. i do not 'inhale the experience' i guess. or perhaps, i inhale and then exhale! whatever, it was beautiful and it taught me stuff, showed me stuff, provoked reactions and made me want to read some books. what more could i ask of a book?
---------
i'm glad i came across this entry, it was nice to be reminded of my enjoyment of azar nafisi's book and prose. i remember that while reading it, i thought it was far better than 'the child that books built' by francis someone, which was also a kind of book-led autobiography. it had none of the charm or engagement of 'reading lolita' however. it has an awesome title though, which i will use someday.. :)
--------
march 2006
"this is how you read a novel: you inhale the experience"
"...has learned that every individual has different dimensions to his personality... Those who judge must take all aspects of an individual's personality into account. It is only through literature that one can put oneself in someone else's shoes and understand the other's different and contradictory sides and refrain from becoming too ruthless... If we had learned this one lesson from Dr A our society would have been in a better shape today."
"...words literally rose up in the air and descended upon us like a fine mist, touching all five senses."
Nietzsche: "whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And when you look long into an abyss, the abyss also looks into you."
Flaubert: "You should have a heart in order to feel other people's hearts."
"This respect for others, empathy, lies at the heart of the novel... Lack of empathy was to my mind the central sin of the regime, from which all others flowed."
"You get a strange feeling when you're about to leave a place, I told him, like you'll not only miss the people you love but you'll miss the person you are now at this time and this place, because you'll never be this way again." [this is EXACTLY how i felt when i left cairo!]
this was a beautiful book. in many ways. to live like that, to LIVE literature, that is something i am unable to do. most of the time, when i read, it is to escape. so there must be a distinction, separation between fiction and reality. i do not 'inhale the experience' i guess. or perhaps, i inhale and then exhale! whatever, it was beautiful and it taught me stuff, showed me stuff, provoked reactions and made me want to read some books. what more could i ask of a book?
---------
i'm glad i came across this entry, it was nice to be reminded of my enjoyment of azar nafisi's book and prose. i remember that while reading it, i thought it was far better than 'the child that books built' by francis someone, which was also a kind of book-led autobiography. it had none of the charm or engagement of 'reading lolita' however. it has an awesome title though, which i will use someday.. :)
08 March 2010
film and arts festivals
march and april host hk's annual international film festival, and the arts festival, yay.
this year's iff is showing 3 idiots as well -a much better choice than previous indian movies shown! browse through the films and book your tickets here.
you can view the arts festival website here, and take your pick of theatre, dance, opera or music performances. enjoy :)
this year's iff is showing 3 idiots as well -a much better choice than previous indian movies shown! browse through the films and book your tickets here.
you can view the arts festival website here, and take your pick of theatre, dance, opera or music performances. enjoy :)
04 February 2010
to want and to have
so many things have happened in the past couple of months.. all of them are things i have wanted for a long time, that i have prayed for consistently. to get them now, one after another, has left me a little dazed. i am so thankful for these blessings, and in my mind they are firmly linked to the barakat of ashera, so recently passed.
and yet, what i also feel, is that these things were not granted to me because i asked for them, but because they were part of the bigger picture. this makes me so much more cautious, so much more wary that everything can be lost again so easily; just as i had so little control over obtaining these blessings, i have as little control over them slipping through my fingers.
and yet, what i also feel, is that these things were not granted to me because i asked for them, but because they were part of the bigger picture. this makes me so much more cautious, so much more wary that everything can be lost again so easily; just as i had so little control over obtaining these blessings, i have as little control over them slipping through my fingers.
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