home

this room that i am sitting in now, this bed, this desk, will never be mine in the same way again. i will not have my own room anymore. as i get ready to leave home, the thought uppermost in my mind is how long before some other city, some other apt, some other people become 'home'? as i leave the comfort of this home, i want to know that it will happen quickly and easily. experience says otherwise however..

pretty girl

i loved my mitishitabi. i loved my clothes and my jewellery, and i loved the fact that getting dressed and putting on the make up was actually fun. i loved that everyone showed up, was happy for me, and told me i was a beautiful bride. (these are all quite uncommon experiences for me.)

it all went by so fast. i enjoyed every moment, but i wish it had lasted a little longer. i was sad to take off those pretty clothes and wash off the make up; it was such a wonderful experience, and i felt like i would never be that person, be that pretty again.

it was a wonderful start to being a bride, and i can only hope that the rest of the events go as well, inshallah! i'm not sure that dressing up in india will be that easy or argument free, but at least i will have this one day to look back upon in bliss :)

crazy planning

i love these awesome horoscopes that crack me up:

"Spend the day making plans. Big plans, little plans. Plans for the near future, plans for the distant future, plans for tonight. Make plans to make plans if you want to. The plans you make now are bound to be successful, so why not make as many as possible? In the evening, stop making plans and start putting the plans you already made (especially the ones that involve dinner tonight) into action. Good plan!"

:)))

two weeks left

the days continue to slip by.. i want to remember every moment, record it, keep it with me forever, but they just disappear like sand trickling through my fingers..

i had a wonderful farewell on sunday with close and not so close friends and colleagues alike. it was the perfect end (for want of a better word) to years of camaraderie; there was laughter (a lot of it, i hadn't laughed that much for quite a while, it was therapeutic), bonding, chilling out, feeling at home- with the people, and with myself. there was a moment when i looked around in both content and sadness, and wondered how long it would take me to build this again.. whatever the future holds, i am thankful to have had this present.

no longer working, i have spent the past two days running errands and doing wedding shopping. it is outrageous how even as i cross off items from my numerous lists, others spring up to take their place!! i feel like i'm on some crazy treadmill that keeps upping its pace the faster i move.

in a few days will be my mitishitabi, the first of several wedding events. i will officially be a bride! how surreal is that!!! i am a little sad that practically none of the people who know what this means to me, who have shared the journey that brought me here, will actually be present.. without them, it definitely feels slightly hollow..

episode from a long time ago

while clearing out files from my computer, i came across this piece written in 2008. only two years ago, and yet it seems like forever. those events and memories have been deeply buried, and i'd like to keep them that way. i'm posting the piece up however, because i like the writing, and i know i will most likely never finish it.. (the idea was to write a short chapter on each 'episode'/suitor, with the ideal finale being on the guy i actually married. needless to say, it was far too painful to get through more than what i have below!)

Episodes

She looked at the list in bemusement. There were names, numbers and places. She was supposed to choose her husband like this? She closed her eyes, subconsciously hoping that when she reopened them, the paper would have gone, perhaps replaced by a marriage certificate. She just wanted the process to be over, to begin a new life without actually making any surreal or gut wrenching decisions.

**

As she sat on the sofa watching him walk along the hallway and into the lounge, she tried to swallow her disappointment. He was skinny and had terrible acne. But he might be really intelligent and funny, she told herself. His awkward communal greeting and fidgety seating did little to improve her impression. That she herself might not have made any better an entrance in such circumstances did not allow her cut him any slack; she expected potential suitors to possess far more self confidence and panache than that. If only she could just put an end to this right now.

After some more terribly awkward moments, the two of them were walking towards the park. They began a stilted conversation without looking at one another.

**

She was relieved to find a newspaper that she could bury herself in amidst numerous toys scattered around the hall. She read of the latest scandals surrounding the US presidential elections with equal measures of resignation and contempt. Comments made by World Bank officials regarding developing economies resulted in a smirk, while an eyebrow was raised at the announcement of the Booker prize being awarded to a novel on India’s sordid dark side. Within these pages was a world she was familiar with, a world that she was part of. If only she could stay here.

Y plopped down next to her. “So, how was it?” Had she really been expecting her wish to come true?

She lowered her newspaper shield reluctantly and squirmed a little on her seat. “Well, it was… okay, I guess.”