serenity

now that is one emotion/attribute i sorely lack. and it shows. and it bothers me that everyone around me seems to possess so much of it. where can i queue up for some??

i read posts by moms of their infants, and living with a one and a half year old, i wonder how they get past the daily grind of not enough sleep, exhaustion and alone time to write at all, let alone write with such perspective:

"despite the struggles, and the challenges and the sleepless nights, they are only visitors in our home for a short while. It feels like forever but it will be gone in a flash. Its an important reminder and one I hope I remember for the rest of my life. Thank you Waleed for being my son"

or,

"taher and i talk a lot about our own perspectives when it comes to this relationship between us and Nooriya, and how much we have changed and accomplished over the past year. but really, it's Nooriya who we should applaud- her list of achievements in the last 12 months are endless."

these days i am like a fish out of water. apart from being emotionally adrift (without the usual anchors of friends, work etc), i'm faced with physical challenges as well. i've had a sore throat, blocked ears and nasty cough for days now, and no amount of meds seem to be doing any good. i thought i was prepared to be sick for the next six months, but just 10 days of this is wearing me out. my hair is falling out in clumps, my feet, hands and lips are peeling, while my face and nails are constantly plugged with dirt and grease.

i know (or i hope!) that these are all temporary irritants, but that does not make them any easier to live with. i want to vent and scream and stamp my feet. i want to take the next plane home. sigh. the fact that i am not doing any of these (except the venting, which is surely allowed?!), is my only claim to a path of serenity!