07 February 2014

disappearing time and other rambles

i don’t know what i seem to do with the time these days. i am always running out of time. while having accomplished very little. i am spending too much time doing NOTHING. or taking too long to do little things. i just finished reading ‘the last anniversary’ by liane moriarty, and one of the characters could spend an hour contemplating a carton of milk, without realizing the amount of time having passed (she was suffering from undiagnosed postnatal depression). i can relate. i am quite sure that i am not suffering from depression, (although i admit to feeling blue and down occasionally), so i just need to get my act together.. (but you know, the whole postnatal depression thing, people should be made more aware. they should inform you and your family at the hospital. this character in the story, it was so sad that no one in her family, not even her husband (well, not until much later), realized what was going on..) 

anyways, related to this disappearing time that i am facing, is that i have not been blogging forever, even though i have several unfinished posts sitting in my draft folder, and many many ideas randomly going through my head. i decided today that i would just sit and spew it all out (well, not all, but some!). so please excuse the rambling and lengthy nature of this post. 

quite some time ago, i excitedly downloaded a daily workout app on my phone. when i used it for the first time, i started with a simple, 10 minute cardio workout, with essentially 10 different moves, all to be done for one minute. huh. i had forgotten how painful and long one minute can be.. pretty much all the moves requiring any form of jumping were impossible for me to do!! how on earth did i get so unfit?! not to mention all the weight i am putting on from the late night snacks i am 'forced' to eat due to the twins waking up several times each night.. ugh! apart from clothes not fitting me well, i am also concerned with the strain put on my body.. yes, we are getting older, and i suddenly have aches and pains that i thought i was immune to.. so, i will try to stick with this daily workout, at least until i can do all the moves comfortably, before heading on to something tougher. [so, it has been at least a month since i wrote this, and no, i never did the workout again :( i need to find a good time when i can do this, and then just stick with it. i know i can find 15 mins in my day for this.. if i could just stop blanking out hours at a time.. or stop playing so much scrabble and ruzzle. jeez.] 

another thing that i meant to do more of was write, and clearly, that is not happening either. aisha has a lovely post today on writing, and i REALLY need to follow her example of just sitting down and doing it. one of the reasons i procrastinate so much is that it is not always easy to get the rambling thoughts in my head into a coherent form on the screen. i know that it will get easier if i practice more, but this knowledge is not translating into action, despite my good intentions. again, i think i need to schedule a time for it, and then just do it. 

i am meant to be writing a book review for work, and while taking copious notes while reading the book, since i finished the book, i have yet to begin writing. i seriously need to kick my own butt. 

on a positive note, i asked a friend to write an article for work, and that has meant working with a friend! how fun :) 

the twins are 17 months now!! gosh gosh gosh. they babble a LOT, their vocab is constantly increasing and amazing me, as is their perception of the world around them. they crack me up daily, and every day i just want to hug them tight and bottle them up. all those people who kept telling me that babies are much better and easier when they are tiny and portable -but what about all the fun and interaction and giggling?? i loved them as babies when they just lay and flailed their limbs, but them being toddlers is so much more fun, and less anxiety prone for me. reading stories to them, drawing their favourite objects, watching them babble stories to each other or to themselves, watching them observe their surroundings and then trying to own them is so so precious and wonderful. alhumdolillah. (okay, their tantrums and aggression suck, but hey. that is for another post.)

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