i had all these happy, random thoughts/posts lined up for today, but with three sleepless nights, all i can do is yawn at the screen right now.the twins being sick together just sucks. not only am i worn out taking care of them, but i inevitably get sick myself. and the lack of sleep is just getting harder and harder. suddenly, i cannot imagine how i used to wake up numerous times in the night to feed them/put them to sleep in their first year and a half. sigh.
people say that you learn patience as a parent. maybe, but i have also learnt rage. those who think of me as calm and unconfrontational would be surprised at how quickly the twins are able to rile me up. i am surprised myself at the anger i hold inside; at how many times i just want to throw objects across the room or shake the twins hard (no, i do not act on these thoughts).
i miss my mom. and the 8-10 hours of uninterrupted sleep i took for granted, in another lifetime.
7 comments:
I see that rage of mommyhood in myself as well. I feel like this last week I've told myself to make the conscious effort NOT to raise my voice. I've handled hundreds and hundreds of teenagers without raising my voice--how is a 19 month old so different?!
The mommy rage is something we all need to talk about more often. It is crazy how it can boil up inside me, and how quickly my son (almost 3.5) can push my buttons. I am not a yeller, but I am trying really hard right now not to jump right away to using a harsh tone of voice when the situation really doesn't call for it.
How can you not feel something (anger, frustration, sadness, etc) when two people are screeching at you at the same time, needing you so deeply? When you have needs yourself?
Hang in there. I hope it gets easier.
I totally and completely understand where you are coming from. I know the rage.
You're exhausted, you're sick, and you're struggling. I'd be surprised if you didn't feel anger at the moment. Managing anger is something that is much much easier with a good night's sleep. I hope you get one soon.
It's not easy being a mother...The rage is but natural..Don't be too hard on yourself...It happens to all I'm sure
Random Thoughts Naba...#MicroblogMondays: I Wish To Read It Again......
Trust me, Mommy Rage is not new. I'm not proud to admit it but when my boys were toddlers (they are in their 40's now!) sometimes I just had to walk away. It does get better. Currently, you are not yourself, being sleep deprived and all. I hope someone can take a night shift for you.
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