26 August 2015

reading the end first

okay, let me admit that i read the endings of certain books first. i need to know. i simply cannot sit still and enjoy the entire novel, until i know what the end is. i just can't do it. this is not necessary for all novels, not even for mysteries -in fact, i generally don't read the ends of mysteries first (that would just not be fun for me). but last night, i had to read the end of helene wecker's 'the golem and the djinni', before i could peacefully proceed. (i waited until halfway through the novel, so that is me at my most patient). and, i will also admit that i read the end of 'the order of the phoenix' to know who died; there is no way i could have sat through the novel without knowing this ultimate information!

when i was in high school, reading endings first was totally frowned upon. my english teachers would constantly tell me NOT to do that. my friends too would frown upon such behaviour. once i was at university, i could not care less; reading was MY hobby, and i would do it in any manner i desired. normally, i read the ends first if i wish, and i don't think twice about it. but in the case of the golem and the djinni, i tried really hard NOT to do that. at first i was waiting for the two main characters to meet, and surprisingly they met quite far down the novel.. now that they have met, there are suddenly other characters arriving who mean them harm.. and so, i had to know what would happen at the end, i wanted to be sure that everything would be okay. only then could i continue with the twists and turns of the novel.

now, if only life were like that. if i had known, so many years ago, that i would marry H, have twins, surely my path would have been different. i would not have suffered so much angst, i would have enjoyed myself more, i would have done so much more prior to meeting H. (or so i would like to believe).

but we don't have this information. and so we muddle along.. some of us are far more adept at this life business than others. i try to take one day at a time and make the most of it, but really, if i were looking back, i am sure i would tell myself that you could have done so much better. sigh.

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