It's a small world. Or so we keep saying. We usually say it, ironically, when big coincidences or crazy connections are found. My world, however, really is very small. It encompasses, mostly, about a quarter of Kandivali, which is one of Mumbai's many many suburbs. My tiny apartment, the masjid, the twins' school and madressah; these make up my world. The people involved, also make up a very homogeneous and small number. Just to emphasize: not one of the people in this tiny world of mine, is non-Indian, or even single. So, small world.
This epiphany came to me when I was discussing feeling like a loser, because the girls that I hang out with in the masjid are all younger than me, and have their stuff together much better than me (most importantly, they cook well, and just seem much better adjusted as moms and adults). The conversation meandered down paths that led me to recall friends who are single, who are not Indian, who do not cook.. Which is when I realized that I was constantly comparing myself to a tiny group of people who grew up with a totally different mind set than I did, in a different culture and a different value system.
I have spent a good part of my life being different. At school, I was the only one among my friends who enjoyed spending breaks reading in the library. At university, I was the only student from Hong Kong. Later on, I was the only veiled girl, the only practicing Muslim, the only person who reads fiction, and so on. Most of the time, this difference was largely fun, and a tiny bit irksome. Mostly because, my world used to be much larger. There were so many different people around, of all ages, races, and with such varied interests. I fit right in, I was just as cool as everyone else.
With a much smaller world now, where everyone is the same nationality (this never happened to me in the first 30 years of my life; it's a huge deal), where most people get married in their 20s, have two kids by their 30s, where moms stay home while the kids are young, etc etc, I am floundering.
I am different. And it is okay. Alhumdolillah for the Internet, which makes it so easy to connect with my friends outside this tiny world of mine.. who remind me that I used to be a part of another group, another culture, another world, where I was comfortable.
This small world of mine does not make me unhappy; it has the twins and H. It has new friends and new experiences. I just need to stop worrying about not being like everyone else, because I am not. I never will be. I will just be me, and I will blossom.
This epiphany came to me when I was discussing feeling like a loser, because the girls that I hang out with in the masjid are all younger than me, and have their stuff together much better than me (most importantly, they cook well, and just seem much better adjusted as moms and adults). The conversation meandered down paths that led me to recall friends who are single, who are not Indian, who do not cook.. Which is when I realized that I was constantly comparing myself to a tiny group of people who grew up with a totally different mind set than I did, in a different culture and a different value system.
I have spent a good part of my life being different. At school, I was the only one among my friends who enjoyed spending breaks reading in the library. At university, I was the only student from Hong Kong. Later on, I was the only veiled girl, the only practicing Muslim, the only person who reads fiction, and so on. Most of the time, this difference was largely fun, and a tiny bit irksome. Mostly because, my world used to be much larger. There were so many different people around, of all ages, races, and with such varied interests. I fit right in, I was just as cool as everyone else.
With a much smaller world now, where everyone is the same nationality (this never happened to me in the first 30 years of my life; it's a huge deal), where most people get married in their 20s, have two kids by their 30s, where moms stay home while the kids are young, etc etc, I am floundering.
I am different. And it is okay. Alhumdolillah for the Internet, which makes it so easy to connect with my friends outside this tiny world of mine.. who remind me that I used to be a part of another group, another culture, another world, where I was comfortable.
This small world of mine does not make me unhappy; it has the twins and H. It has new friends and new experiences. I just need to stop worrying about not being like everyone else, because I am not. I never will be. I will just be me, and I will blossom.
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