01 October 2006


i was sitting on my masalla at namaz tonight, sharing my munajat with a new mom. while reading, her eyes kept moving towards her baby daughter at the other end of the suf. literally every ten seconds, her gaze would slide away from the paper at hand, even while her voice strived to remain in accord with the rest of us. my reactions were multiple: amazement that she was managing to follow at all, relief that i had nothing (or no one) to thus occupy my attention, mild annoyance at her constant shifting gaze, bewilderment as to why anyone would choose to take such a burden upon themselves.

the last few days at markaz has seen a small explosion of children. they cry, scream and stumble over everyone's masallas (i am always terrified my specs will meet a dire fate), their mothers are constantly running after them or shushing them and they go extra nuts during dinner.

honestly, why??

this world has enough children. together with less than satisfactory parents. i don't want to join that group. i think i am too selfish; i value my time, privacy and energy too much to want to share. it is not that i dislike kids, or never wish that i too had a cute cuddly bundle. the new mom sitting next to me tonight, when her wandering daughter returned, and started playing with me, for the next few moments she was the cutest kid in the world, and all i wanted was to make her smile. but those are mere moments, whereas these kids are around for life.


ZP said...

perspective, meryam- your nesting instinct hasn't kicked in yet, but you are assuming it never will. this post just comes out kind of near-sighted. you know what i mean?

Anonymous said...

Meryam, your comment is great in terms of the writing style but you know what, your message violates the main law of mankind:) Not that I disagree with you, it’s just that such an approach is against the nature. Guess what, I had an interesting conversation concerning the dilemma of having children yesterday, when my aunt’s family came over for a cup of tea. Both my aunt and uncle are scientists and I have to confess they are far from being religious. I brought up the issue after hearing the news about our neighbor, a young woman of my age who is apparently expecting her third baby. I was surprised because watching her every day, I can say for sure that she is not the happiest person in the world, having to look after two small kids and trying to combine housework with a low-paying job. Surprisingly, both my aunt and uncle defended her choice, arguing that having kids is, in fact, the main and only real success one can have in her/his life. Our life is too short…. And I guess the only reason mankind reached the 21 century is that instinct that lives in the majority of us. If it was not the case, I would not be writing this comment now:) But I am here thanks to my grand-grandmother who was crazy enough to give birth to my grandfather in the middle of war, in the year when Georgia fell to the Soviets.
In short, here is my conclusion: no matter how hard I study for the history of diplomacy (I have a mid-term next Friday!) and no matter how well-written is that project I submitted to our donor organization (I mastered the technique of writing logframes:), my life is worth nothing until I succeed demographically:)))