about a week ago, i attended a party where i knew nearly everyone, but was good friends with only two persons. it was an interesting event, for various reasons that i won't go into right now. my comfort level varied over the five and a half hours i was there, which in turn determined how good a time i was having. the last hour was perhaps the lowest point, which of course shadowed the entire event to the extent that even though it was way past my bedtime, instead of collapsing into bed as soon as i got to my room, i wasted time in futile over-analysis.
the next day (or perhaps two days later) i watched bridget jones after a VERY long time (it was one of my favorite movies to watch in cairo. this probably had a lot to do with the fact that it was one of the four english movies i owned at that time). anyways, at one point during the movie, i suddenly felt that my behaviour at the party slightly resembled bridget's verbal ineptitude, and i was mortified. then came the scene of bj's birthday dinner with her friends, where everyone was having a good time despite the awful food. again, i felt an affinity with her; i am happy with my small group of friends, where no matter what, i don't feel like an idiot.
more than anything else, i think it bothers me that apart from those two good friends, no one else at the party knows me as a funny, slightly eccentric, intelligent person. i never manage to come across that way with people who are not my friends. argh.