narrow world

i am tired of trying so hard. surely these things should just come naturally? if i look at the close friends in my life at present, with none of them did i try to be friends. and those few people who i did try with, we never truly gelled. surely this principle must apply to other relationships as well?

and yet, the fear (and expectation) is always there: if i don't try, how will i get to where i want?

i want to be wanted. to be enough.

i want my world to expand. to include new people, new perspectives, new roles.

if only my wanting made it so.

i am done trying however.