beyond the fear

'if we lived our lives not doing because we were afraid, what a different life we’d live.'

aisha noted that many of the fears she has today, she had four years ago as well. oh how true. and how human. on a grand scale, this must be why history repeats itself, because we humans never learn, never get better, never move on. being older is definitely not being wiser. at least, not in the sense that we make less mistakes. only that we see our mistakes more clearly perhaps, or we are slightly more humble.

five years later, why is it that we’re still scared about the same things as five years before? most of us probably push aside the fear long enough to do what we need to do, while still being wary and uncertain. the fear never really goes away, we just learn to deal with it, and not let it take over our perspective. and as soon as we’re done, we get scared all over again. it’s like getting on a roller coaster –no matter how many rides I take, and how many times I get off it safe and sound, I’m still scared just before the ride begins. my heart is in my throat and I wonder why I’m putting myself through this, before I’m whizzed off in the air and can no longer form more coherent thoughts than, ‘OH MY GOD’.

i have heard that you don’t regret the things that you do in life, but the things that you don’t. that being the case, rumi's advice seems the most sound here:

"Keep walking. Though there's no place to get to. Don't try to see through the distances. That's not for human beings. Move within but don't move the way that fear makes you move."

if i'm always going to be scared anyways, it's better not to focus on the future, or to worry about any outcome. i will simply nudge aside the fear and do, and then do again. if i'm lucky, i will eventually not be scared. if not, well, i'll still have done what i needed..