today

no one is promised tomorrow. a family friend passed away yesterday, and it was a shock. inna lillahi we inna ilayhi raji’un. plans were being made and there was no inkling that he wouldn’t be around to take part. i cannot believe that he is no longer here, that he will not be around for so many milestones. i recall him telling me several times that he wanted to meet H, and i can only mourn that this never happened, that it will never happen. i could have tried a little harder to make it happen on my last visit home, but the thought that there would be ample opportunities in the future made me lax..

‘today is all you have’, ‘tomorrow never comes’ are words that fall like water off our backs. we all say them, we all know they are true, and yet, how many of us truly live as though today was all we had? i tell myself i will henceforth be more mindful of today, of doing important, meaningful things soon, rather than putting them off for some unforeseen future, but deep down, i am not sure how much my habits will change...

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the worry that my parents will not always be there to cushion me, to parent me, is magnified by any such news. it is a worry that eats up at me, that can cause instantaneous tears and panic attacks. being so far away from them is made more painful at such times..

life is oh-so fragile. in a matter of moments, your world can shift 360 degrees. you can never be prepared for this, but perhaps certain characteristics and behaviours can be cultivated to make it easier to stay upright while your world is tumbling.

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i pray for strength and forebearance for his family, and for sunshine to slowly return to their world.