disillusioned

i am confused. confused and upset. i am unable to explain or justify many aspects of my faith and religion to others. i always thought there was no need for explanations or justifications; my faith was my own, and in my small world, that was in itself enough explanation. since then, my world has become much bigger. and less understanding. less tolerant.

i say this while working for a human rights organization; it is a lonely struggle sometimes. i feel even more alone when i see that apart from activists themselves, most people are very willing to make trade offs. self interest is the ultimate goal. human beings are indeed quite selfish, and we seem unable to learn from history.

when i first started this work, i was frequently asked whether i found it depressing. in fact, the courage and spirit of those suffering human rights abuses was inspiring. however, what depresses me is the apathy--and even worse, the indifference--of ordinary people, of humanity at large.