the beginning of the end..

m’s best friend has been sabotaged.. in a bid to get him to stop sucking his thumb, H applied some anti-sucking lotion on it while he was asleep at night. m woke up a couple of times asking for water, and finally told me that there was a ‘smell’ somewhere.. this morning he had the most piteous look on his face, his mouth all down turned and quivering, unable to figure out what had suddenly happened to his thumb and why there was an awful taste in his mouth.

I had to physically stop myself from hugging him, wiping off the medicine and telling him everything was fine. Sigh. I may be a bigger wuss than him! What will I do later, when bad things out of my control upset him??!

#microblog mondays

 

topography: paper versus ebooks

over the weekend, we took the kids to a bookstore after eons (i usually buy books for the twins on my own). i let them sit on the floor and go through all the children's books, while i selected a couple of story collections for them. in the midst of this, H wondered whether it was necessary to buy yet more books for them (they do have a fair few books, i know :P, and books are far from cheap here) when i could simply download stories for them on my kindle or phone (H has a few such stories on his phone, and the twins love them). my immediate response was that paper books in NO WAY can be replaced by technology, particularly for young kids.

i love books. i love to read. and, since moving to india, i love my kindle, because it is a means for me to read; without public libraries and second hand book stores that sell literary fiction (david mitchell, kate atkinson, sara gruen, linda grant etc), ebooks on the kindle were the only alternative i had. plus, living in a tiny apartment, there is no possibility of recreating a library for myself here.

intuitively, i know there is a difference between how i read a paper book, and an ebook. without holding the book in my hands, feeling its weight, turning the pages one by one or a few at a time to look for something in particular, my reading experience is different. i do not recall specific incidents/quotes from ebooks as well as i could from real books.

after this brief conversation with H, i did some googling, and i found this wonderful article that totally sums up my experience, with lots of further research and information. read it!

my favourite parts:

people report that when trying to locate a particular piece of written information they often remember where in the text it appeared. We might recall that we passed the red farmhouse near the start of the trail before we started climbing uphill through the forest; in a similar way, we remember that we read about Mr. Darcy rebuffing Elizabeth Bennett on the bottom of the left-hand page in one of the earlier chapters. 

In most cases, paper books have more obvious topography than onscreen text. An open paperback presents a reader with two clearly defined domains—the left and right pages—and a total of eight corners with which to orient oneself. A reader can focus on a single page of a paper book without losing sight of the whole text: one can see where the book begins and ends and where one page is in relation to those borders. One can even feel the thickness of the pages read in one hand and pages to be read in the other. Turning the pages of a paper book is like leaving one footprint after another on the trail—there's a rhythm to it and a visible record of how far one has traveled. All these features not only make text in a paper book easily navigable, they also make it easier to form a coherent mental map of the text. 

In contrast, most screens, e-readers, smartphones and tablets interfere with intuitive navigation of a text and inhibit people from mapping the journey in their minds. A reader of digital text might scroll through a seamless stream of words, tap forward one page at a time or use the search function to immediately locate a particular phrase—but it is difficult to see any one passage in the context of the entire text... the screen only displays a single virtual page: it is there and then it is gone. Instead of hiking the trail yourself, the trees, rocks and moss move past you in flashes with no trace of what came before and no way to see what lies ahead. 

"The implicit feel of where you are in a physical book turns out to be more important than we realized," says Abigail Sellen of Microsoft Research Cambridge in England and co-author of The Myth of the Paperless Office... At least a few studies suggest that by limiting the way people navigate texts, screens impair comprehension.

i will ply the twins with as many books as i can :) there are many advantages of e-reading and there are lovely apps for kids, which i am happy for them to make use of, but not as a replacement for paper books. the joy of watching them turn the pages of their books, move back and forth to ask questions and confirm something, is something that technology does not (yet?) inspire.  

#microblog mondays
 

happy me, happy kids

“kids who have happy parents are more likely to be happy. That's pretty awesome motivation to figure out how to be happier” 

I read this on a blog yesterday, and thought, Yes! It is definitely awesome motivation to figure out how to be happier. I remember being pregnant, and being constantly told, ‘be happy, think good thoughts, it will affect your child!' 

With every fibre of my being, I want my children to be happy, to see wonder everywhere, to create their own joy and let misfortune wash off their backs easily. I was an anxious and timid child, and I don’t want my kids to go down that path. 

This article in time magazine is super helpful, listing 10 steps on raising happy kids, with lots of additional links. It’s long, but worth a read. The list of 10 steps is repeated at the end in brief, in case you are as overwhelmed with info as I was! Moreover, the steps are likely to make both parents and children happier :P 

The things I will try: 
Teach (and practice) gratitude 
Praise effort rather than achievement 
Teach (and practice) optimism 
Active listening and labeling 
More play time 
More laughter 

this poster/infographic on the same topic is also cute and informative. 

thanksgiving

after climbing into his school bus, m will turn around without fail, wave at me and say 'bye mumma', with the sweetest grin, before ambling off to his seat. his enthusiasm is infectious, and i always wave off the bus with a responding smile.. that moment always elicits an 'alhumdolillah for these two beautiful blessings in my life'.. the smile carries me home, until i am back to the grind.

this past weekend i realized that i would not be able to carry the twins for much longer. tall, their legs already reach my knees when they are in my arms. carrying them since birth, i cannot fathom what this means right now.. sure, all kids outgrow being carried, but i did not expect this moment to come so soon. i still have some time, and i will be more conscious about it.. if i could just pause time a little..

**

H and i have started taking sabaq (religious classes).. not only am i happy for myself, but i am excited to share this religious journey with my spouse. i see it as a way to grow, individually and as a couple. Getting closer to allah is surely the purpose of this life, and doing that together with my partner is bliss.

#microblog mondays

 

namaste; let's be human!

I am reading the sandalwood tree by elle newmark, which is a novel with two sets of stories, 100 years apart. An American woman in India during partition learns the story of two women living in the same town during the 1850s. as I read about the partition and its violence, I am struck by how little things have changed in today’s India. the following lines, “when you create borders based on ideology you create a reason to fight. When you live side by side, you create a reason to get along”, said by one of the characters about partition, really struck me.

Why is it that with so much history of violence and discontent before us, we humans have yet to learn how to live together in peace??

This wonderful poster is making the rounds on facebook, but world governments and extremists remain clueless. ‘other’ needs to be deconstructed. I am you, and you are me. And we are all god’s creation.

 ScienceAlert

The Indian greeting ‘namaste’ means ‘the god/divine in me bows to the god/divine in you’. If only we could internalize this, live it out every moment.

enjoying the moment

Since the twins, I find it quite difficult to live in the moment. While I have always been the kind of person who post analyzes everything, the twins have triggered a crazy loop of constant to do and worry lists. I also find it hard to just overlook the kids' crankiness and tantrums and enjoy myself.. This was particularly the case on our recent five day trip to Goa.  traveling with kids is hard, traveling with kids and another family requires even more juggling and patience and good humour.

Now, back home and in my own space, I will say that the trip was an overall success, with equal amounts of laughter and crankiness (kids’). In the moments of crankiness however, I was wondering why on earth we thought this might be a good idea..

Now I fondly recall the beautiful beaches, the sunsets, the kids laughter as they splashed in the pool or jumped at the waves in the sea.. the crying, the tantrums, the throwing up are just minor blips on a huge landscape.. why is it that I cannot see that when I am in that moment??

With my twins being three, I can foresee that this will be the case in many many more future trips. So what can I do to enjoy myself more in the moment??

#microblog mondays

 

each day counts

Just before coming across this image on fb (from mentors channel), I had been planning to have a few hours of relaxation, reading and mindless internet surfing. Suddenly, it all seemed quite trivial in exchange for ‘one day of my life’.

On the other hand, every life needs relaxation. Books, movies, articles, quotes are all part of what make up life experience. So perhaps balance is the key.

The idea of exchanging your time and emotions for other things is important. If every minute of my day/life counts, then how many minutes are wasted in feeling anger/guilt/sadness, in thinking about doing something rather than just doing it, in being mean rather than kind, in pushing someone away?

This quote inspires me to be a better person, take more responsibility for how I spend my time on this earth. It reminds me of one of my favourite Rumi poems:

On Resurrection Day God will ask,
“During this reprieve I gave you,
what have you produced for Me?
Through what work have you reached your life’s end?
Your food and your strength, for what have they been consumed?
Where have you dimmed the luster of your eyes?
Where have you dissipated your five senses?
You have expended eyes and ears and intellect
and the pure celestial substances;
what have you purchased from the earth?
I gave you hands and feet as spade and mattock
for tilling the soil of good works,
when did they by themselves become existent?”

Which also reminds me that I have not read poetry for so long! Must remedy this immediately!  

#microblog mondays

 

more focus, more productivity

in line with my previous post, and deciding that it is high time I practice some ways to improve my focus and hence productivity, I am going to try the following tips I came across from here and random online reading. 

-five more: instead of giving up when I am tired, frustrated or bored, I will work for five more minutes, edit five more sentences, read five more paragraphs etc. apparently, stretching your mind to do more works in the same way as stretching your muscles.. I totally learnt this from doing yoga, so am excited to try it out on my mind. (and coincidentally, the church sign I spotted yesterday told me ‘do a little more than you think you can everyday). so there. 

-‘wide angle’ versus ‘telephoto’ focus: sometimes I really need to focus on the text on my screen only, and crowd out everything else. at such times, it is recommended to use your hands as blinkers (U), which will not only work in the ‘out of sight, out of mind’ manner, but will also teach my brain that every time I do that, it is time to switch to telephoto focus. 

 -20 minute time slots: apparently, our ability to sustain attention on a particular task is an average of 20 minutes at a time. So I should set this time to get serious work done, and then take a five minute breather. Much better than random breaks and only five minutes of serious work at a time :P

I am excited to start with these three steps. If you have any other tips that work for you, do share! 

busy versus productive

I came across two good pieces on being busy versus productivity: 'The busy trap' and 'Busy: A badge of honour or a big lie?' 

While 'The busy trap' refers to an extreme trend, I do think that a lot of times we choose to be busy because we are worried that if we are not fully occupied, our lives may be trivial, or we may have time to reflect on how unhappy we really are. When I first moved to India, being busy was important. I needed to work, to be productive, to feel good about myself, to not dwell on the fact that I had just left my home, family and friends, a whole three decades worth of memories behind.. I cannot remember how many times ‘stay busy’, ‘keep yourself occupied’ have been said as rallying cries in conversations with friends and family. I think this level of busyness is okay, is good for you in fact.

These days, though, just taking care of my toddler twins, my home and doing my part time work is leaving me feeling too busy. So many times, I find myself telling people that I just don’t have time to call or message anyone. I annoy myself at times by repeating this.. but honestly, the tiny amounts of free time I have, I use it to read books, surf the web, or message people that are important to me. The thought of using my free time to make duty calls (or other mundane tasks like cleaning the fridge) is distasteful.. 

I used to be very good at daydreaming.. i could sit for large amounts of time just thinking or imagining.. i miss those times. I can barely spend more than 15 mins in the bathroom now without one or the other twin banging away on the door..

What I have noticed is that too much busyness leads to multitasking, and that is bad for productivity. I have never been so great at multitasking.. focusing on one thing at a time is the only way I can do anything well. I am ecstatic that studies now seem to show that multitasking is not good for you; that we are not wired for multitasking in the first place!

 
 #microblog mondays
 

difference

We don’t wear shoes in our house. And we live in a country where there are many many places that require you to remove your shoes outside, including doctor clinics, shops, temples, mosques, certain schools/extracurricular classes, and so forth. 

When the twins see pictures of people wearing shoes indoors in their story books, they immediately question this, ask me if this is a ‘bad boy’ because he is lying on his bed with his shoes on, or why the grandpa is wearing shoes while watching tv. 

And so begins the explaining of different cultures, different customs, of difference. 

I know there is a movement to have more diversity in books, for children to be able to relate to the characters that they read about. This is not a bad thing, but I do not recall ever having this issue myself.. I read a lot, and my childhood books were all roald dahl, judy blume, enid blyton. The lack of diversity never bothered me; I was always excited to read about these kids in a different world from my own. I wish the same for my own children. I want books to be their escape, their keys to new places and concepts and traditions (particularly since they are growing up in a place with little ‘difference’, unlike my childhood). 

In the end, the human experience is universal; it is just the environment that differs. 

cheesecake judge

last night, i was sadly telling a friend that i felt like a failure because my yoghurt cheesecake did not turn out brilliantly. she replied (among other things), that i should not judge myself by cheesecake recipes. totally rational statement. it is what i would perhaps say to someone else in the same situation. and yet, when it comes to my own life, it is the cheesecake that wins/judges.

i seem to have so few accomplishments these days. anything work related is not seen at home, so it is of no consequence really (except to me, and i don’t count). what matters, is how many yummy meals i can make, how many stains are removed from laundry, how clean and tidy the house is, how chubby and well behaved the kids are.

the one friend i have here, does not know exactly what i do at work, she does not know that i read books (let alone that reading is a lifeline), or that this blog exists. i need to make some changes in my life.. for my own sanity..

#microblog mondays

 

too much

my brain feels dead today. the heat is zapping any left over energy from taking care of the twins and the home.. seriously, how do single parents manage?

i read 'minding frankie' by maeve binchy some time ago, and i loved how she described an entire community helping this single father take care of a new born baby.. and the fragility of the timetables and phone numbers and so on..

i adore my kids, and am super thankful to have them in my life, but sometimes i just want to not have so much responsibility and stress. the constant loop of they-are-not-eating-enough-healthy-food-they-are-overdosing-on-milk-why-are-they-always-sick-how-do-i-stop-them-from-hitting-and-kicking-eachother-when-will-they-not-be-cranky-after-a-nap-why-are-they-scared-of-sitting-on-a-horse-ad infinitum is driving me nuts :(

i need a pause button.

#microblog mondays

tired

the twins are sick. m has been unwell for the past 10 days, and the dr has said he will most likely need antibiotics for another two weeks. a has now started coughing. with little sleep and super crankiness to deal with, i am down to nil reserves of patience and good humour. my back hurts from carting m around everywhere, my eyes are gritty and i feel as though i am walking around with a fish bowl on my head.

and yet, i still need to function like an adult, a mom, wife, daughter in law. the laundry still needs to be done, food still needs to be put on the table, work needs to be completed. sigh. i miss the days when staying up all night working on a paper was enough currency to get away with behaving like a zombie, or having the flu was reason to live in a room resembling a pig sty.

#microblog mondays

 

scars of life and waves of grief

"to live is to be marked. To live is to change..."

"we are our injuries, as much as we are our successes."

my favourite barbara kingsolver quotes (the poisonwood bible). i was reminded of them when i read this awesome piece on dealing with death and grief:

"My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had... And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it... Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can’t see."

"As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves."

the wave analogy is brilliant. read it. 

#microblog mondays
 

the twins and memory

thankfully, the twins love reading and listening to stories. they love their picture books, and their story books. i may get bored of telling them the same story 50 gazillion times, but not them. i make up random, short anecdotes (aka stories) while feeding them, and they soak them up. to the extent that i can no longer miss out a single word, or replace it with another. if i don't say it in the exact same way that they remember, they scream and get upset. which makes me marvel at their memory.. they must have over 20 story books, all of which they seem to know by heart. and another 10 stories or so that i randomly made up for them.. i wonder at which point they will start forgetting stuff..

i pray quran surahs to them, and other qasidas, and they pick it all up so fast! they are like little sponges.. alhumdolillah! i wish that this ability of theirs to instantly remember stuff would last throughout school.. it would be so useful in learning history dates, the periodic table, etc etc :P

#microblog mondays

an all women police station and a cafe run by acid attack survivors

these two stories that i came across yesterday made me smile, and feel tiny sparks of hope regarding the situation of women in india. first, this post regarding a women's only police station in haryana. and second, the story of 'sheroes hangout', a cafe in agra run and staffed by acid attack survivors.

having more women police officers can only be a good thing, although it will take much more than one women's only police station to balance out the current police force that has only some 5 percent women officers. i am now interested in knowing how the 400 or so women only police stations in the country are faring, and how much difference they make in reporting, punishing and preventing crime against women.

if sheroes was in mumbai, i would totally go and hangout there, to support these women, and create awareness regarding the atrocious crime of acid attacks. more power to them, and all women out there, struggling against the odds!

where is india's alternative media?

i almost never watch news on indian tv. if you have ever seen it, you will understand how disturbing it is, how unlike ‘news’, it really is. i grew up watching the local hk news with my dad, which was so staid and serious in comparison. once i went to university, i read the news online, all international broadsheets: the iht, the guardian, and then slowly news websites like the bbc. as part of my journalism classes, i had to study tabloids like the sun, so i understood sensationalism and triviality and page 3 news. it is unfortunate that this is all that the indian news channels and papers are capable of.

i wonder what they teach journalism students here; distinctions between fact and rumour, between allegations and convictions, between innocence and guilt? do journalists even need any qualifications here? from what i can see of news anchors, they would be more suited in the theater/film world. the recent sheena bora murder has made a total circus of the media. i have read several opinion pieces disgusted with the way indian media has handled itself. and that too, at a time when there were other worthier stories at hand: the gujarat violence and reservations debate, the financial markets situation. prior to this, the yakub memon hanging was what occupied the indian media in a similar frenzy.

the average indian gleans his news from these news channels and papers. few indians will look at international news sources, and hence have no bar for comparison. india needs more alternative news outlets. magazines and newspapers that report news, not sensation. i don’t buy the cliche that ‘this is what people want’. the people don’t know anything else. if there was a choice, they would choose the better option.

five star surrealness

i had a sleepover and breakfast with a college roommate last week, it was wonderful to see her after so long, to take a break from the twins. plus, the sleepover was at the taj hotel. total decadence! it felt like i was in another country, another world. we were hungry at midnight, and looking through the room service menu nearly gave me a heart attack. a simple chicken burger cost over 1000 rupees. (for an entire family meal at a restaurant, we usually pay 1200 rupees). my friend was telling me that the taj in delhi would fill up bubble baths for their patrons when they returned to the hotel.. these bath tubs were huge.. and many a time, the water is just wasted when bubble baths are not wanted. this is in a country where water shortages are always a problem. so much waste seems wrong, irresponsible. it reminded me of hotels in egypt where there were always signs in the bathroom to not waste water, and where sometimes, water would not be available 24-7. i found that to be a smart thing actually..

after breakfast, i had to return home to take my kids to school. this involved taking the local train. going from the taj to the local train was just too surreal. the station and trains were filled with people with disabilities, ordinary people struggling to make ends meet, hawkers trying to earn a few rupees, stall vendors selling their wares in the stifling heat. seeing the crowded trains transporting people to where they needed to go, to do what they needed to do, the taj seemed like an affront.

i’m sure five star hotels have their place in the world, but..

#microblog mondays

reading the end first

okay, let me admit that i read the endings of certain books first. i need to know. i simply cannot sit still and enjoy the entire novel, until i know what the end is. i just can't do it. this is not necessary for all novels, not even for mysteries -in fact, i generally don't read the ends of mysteries first (that would just not be fun for me). but last night, i had to read the end of helene wecker's 'the golem and the djinni', before i could peacefully proceed. (i waited until halfway through the novel, so that is me at my most patient). and, i will also admit that i read the end of 'the order of the phoenix' to know who died; there is no way i could have sat through the novel without knowing this ultimate information!

when i was in high school, reading endings first was totally frowned upon. my english teachers would constantly tell me NOT to do that. my friends too would frown upon such behaviour. once i was at university, i could not care less; reading was MY hobby, and i would do it in any manner i desired. normally, i read the ends first if i wish, and i don't think twice about it. but in the case of the golem and the djinni, i tried really hard NOT to do that. at first i was waiting for the two main characters to meet, and surprisingly they met quite far down the novel.. now that they have met, there are suddenly other characters arriving who mean them harm.. and so, i had to know what would happen at the end, i wanted to be sure that everything would be okay. only then could i continue with the twists and turns of the novel.

**
now, if only life were like that. if i had known, so many years ago, that i would marry H, have twins, surely my path would have been different. i would not have suffered so much angst, i would have enjoyed myself more, i would have done so much more prior to meeting H. (or so i would like to believe).

but we don't have this information. and so we muddle along.. some of us are far more adept at this life business than others. i try to take one day at a time and make the most of it, but really, if i were looking back, i am sure i would tell myself that you could have done so much better. sigh.

books, and when you are ready for them

i just finished 'life after life' by kate atkinson, which was another novel that i had started when it first came out, but just couldn’t get into it.. this was a severe disappointment, as atkinson is one of my favourite authors, her ‘behind the scenes at the museum’ being one of my favourite books in school. her later jackson brodie books were also wonderful literary mysteries that i thoroughly enjoyed.

at a loss for reading material, and after one of my friends who doesn’t like her other work told me that she enjoyed this novel, i thought i would give it another try. again, the beginning was slightly off putting, but once i got a little further into it, i was hooked. and now, at the end, i am totally glad i persevered: i feel my world view has expanded, while her descriptions of war time life were great, in britain and in germany. it was also interesting to see the sense that people did not hate germany or the germans, they just hated hitler. i am not sure how historically accurate that is, but it was a change from the way the japanese are portrayed in novels detailing the war situation in america..

some months ago, i read sara gruen’s like water for elephants, which is another novel that i had wanted to read eons ago, but decided was not my cup of coffee. when i finally got around to reading it, i LOVED it, and could not figure out why i had missed out for so long!! this brings to mind a quote i came across by doris lessing while in high school, about reading whatever books catch your fancy, and not worrying about whether they are ‘classics’, or ‘have to read’ books, or whatever. lessing was of the opinion that books came into your life as and when you were ready for them.. this piqued my teenage mind, particularly in the face of my english syllabus, where we ‘had’ to read so and so books..

today, i am a firm believer that books, like people, truly come and open up worlds for you when you are ready.. and you take from these books only that which you can digest. ayn rand’s ‘atlas shrugged’ was a huge revelation to me as a freshman, but i am not sure what i would think of it today :P a friend and i so eagerly read ‘the child that books built’, but were sorely disappointed. i love novels/memoirs about books and how they accompany people on their life journeys, and many a time point them in certain directions. this particular book fell so short of doing this, but the title has always stuck with me. perhaps one day i will detail the books that built me.. :)

any recommendations for future reads are welcome!

catch up

it has been several months since i last wrote here.. so many things have been going on, it has been difficult to process and sit and write. now that i can take a step back from everything, i wanted to just put down the big things..

i went to hk for two months, which was AWESOME. the twins loved it, loved playing in all the gorgeous parks, the pool, the clubhouse. they loved sitting in the metro and the buses, loved all the escalators, loved spending time with their grandparents and their cousins. i got to go in to work! to wake up, get dressed, and make my way to the office. to talk to colleagues, to simply be immersed in work without worrying about the garbage lady ringing the bell, or any other house-y distractions :P (getting dressed in nice outfits and carrying cute bags that didn't include kid paraphernalia was probably the highlight of going to work!)

a week after we returned, the twins started nursery, and they are slowly adjusting to their new school (nursery is also part of elementary school here). they still occasionally whine and say they don't want to go to school, they still ask about their 'old school' (playgroup) and their former teachers, but it is slowwwwly getting better, alhumdolillah!

it was also ramadan at the same time, which was a bit of a struggle at the beginning, but then the month went oh so smoothly. we went for namaz daily, the kids divided between us, and overall it worked out well. i really wanted to carry forward praying namaz on time even after ramadan, and alhumdolillah, so far i am doing well. it helps that i need to wake up early for the kids' school anyways :P H and i have both started sabak as well, which is something else i am very excited about -in the five years since i've been here, this is the first time we have had this opportunity :)

the twins seem to be in a new phase of constant crankiness and violence. every little thing sets them off in tears or hitting or throwing things, or throwing themselves on to the floor and screaming. sigh. i hope this phase gets over fast!!! i find my patience totally dwindling, and by the end of the day i just want to run away!! (or drop them off at their grandparents' place!)

the husband's secret, and all the things we don't know

i read liane moriarty's 'the husband's secret' a couple of months ago, and loved it. but what i loved the most, what i found the most fascinating, was the epilogue at the end, where moriarty tells us what actually happened, how janie really died. it totally made me sit up and wonder how much we really KNOW about life around us. we make choices and decisions based on what we think we know, which is only somewhere between 50-90 percent of the truth. and then we must live with these choices and decisions.

fascinating premise. and wonderful book :)

(on a side note: i told H about the ending, and he was like, gosh, they should make a hindi film out of this :P)

the end of playgroup

today is the last day of playgroup for the twins. i am so sad. more sad because they have no idea.. they cannot comprehend that it is the end of an era, that the teachers and friends that they are so fond of, grew into, will no longer be a part of their daily routine.

as a kid, i hated the end of the school year. saying goodbye and change were not my strong suits. i see that it will not be any better this time around. in fact, it might be even worse, as now i will feel the angst on behalf of my boys. ugh.

the twins have come a long way since the start of playgroup.. i am sure they will (eventually) be fine in nursery come june, but.. my heart is still sore at the thought of them coming and asking me where their old teachers and friends are.

parenting is hard.

isolation

i just returned from a home filled with people and children, from a city immersed in all things moula, and my tiny apartment now seems so.. tiny, isolated and lonely. to make things worse, H has gone on a work trip, so i am parenting alone.. sigh. the twins had a wonderful time playing outdoors, running amok, interacting with other kids. now they are back to their two room boundary and only me and my MIL for entertainment. oh boy.

these are the time when i miss my family and friends the most.. where are you, z, d, ck, pm, ksa, mjh, p&i, n, m???